In Cest We Trust
by Whimfu1
Summary: President Lincoln Loud has forgone choosing a First Lady during his first year as Commander in Chief of the United States of America. Pressured by the public, he tries to enlist a sister as laws allow but it is misinterpreted as him wanting to marry one of them. With First Lady fever sweeping the nation, how will the President get out of the worldwide misunderstanding?
1. Chapter 1

**Whimfu1 here, I'm happy to bring you my first 'T' rated story. I love to do weird premises and enjoy a lighter sense of humor where all is good in the world. Just enjoy this as a bit of silliness and a practice in the ridiculous. If this is the first time seeing one of my stories, because many writings are 'M' rated, hello! Nice to meet you.**

 **If you are a reader of my other stories, don't worry they will be coming out soon. I just restarted college classes but my travel time allows me to write, just a bit more slowly. Little Intruder is almost done and Zap's next chapter is also almost out. Age gap will be a bit slower as I have a bit of a filler chapter till the next set piece. I may publish two chapters together as I hate when an author publishes just filler and leaves you hanging for another 7 months. At least one small event should fill an update and that's what I hope to deliver. I'm not writing masterpieces I'm writing fanfiction.**

 **Art: This is just a small thing but I'd love to publish my own art for my stories. The issue is I don't know where to post. I don't like deviantart's layout from a web development standpoint and I'm unsure if the loud booru is really meant for just +18 stuff. I don't want to be self indulgent but I'd like to show how I believe some scenes in my stories played out. For instance, I'd love to show what Rachel and Winter from my most popular story, 'Age Gap', look like. I'm still looking but if you got a good idea of where to post please feel free to PM me.**

 **Anyways enjoy the story.**

* * *

As the second Lincoln to grace the oval office prepared for his interview he repeated his talking points in his head. Over the first year of his presidency the man had achieved the impossible. For the first time in history, President Lincoln Loud had achieved a 98% approval rating. With his suave, yet approachable, persona, a landslide victory was nearly guaranteed. Little could be done by the opposition against the Loud Crowd movement.

In his entire first year as the President of the United States of America he had achieved more than any of his predecessors. Dept was at an all time low, a nationwide recycling program was established, new world relations policies that created good faith in America enacted, crime rates nationwide cut by 80%, and the list goes on. The world was all good and so was life.

Except one thing.

From all appearances it was superficial, but it weighed highly on the minds of his country men and women. Through his years of study, his time campaigning, and throughout his first year as president, President Loud had neglected one thing.

Finding a First Lady.

This small point was constantly brought up no matter what the topic of the interview. Discovery of new oil fields, when are you getting married? Puerto Rico finally a state, did you meet someone while out there? Dismantling of a highly dangerous criminal organization, how do you feel about dating reporters? An entire year of leading questions and he had enough of it.

There were prior precedent for a bachelor president in James Buchanan. Lincoln had been aware of this president before the election but when you consider the importance of the country to one's love life, one was the obvious choice. After an entire year it was finally time to address the issue once again. It's a little known fact but the First Lady does not need to be one's wife. In odd cases, one could enlist a female family member. 15th President Buchanan had his niece, Harriet Rebecca Lane Johnston, as his First Lady. Therefore…

President Loud could have a sister!

"Now, Mr. President." Two chairs pointed at each other with a fireplace between them. Large lights lit up their faces and Lincoln gave the reporter a kind smile. "As is tradition, even though the new assembly of a possible Mars Colony is impressive, as always any luck on finding a First Lady?" A small laugh came from the camera operators and staff around them.

"Actually." Everyone in the room froze. The reporter looked at the President in shock. Realizing his main reason for being here was about to bring out some juicy gossip, the reporter quickly grabbed a pen to write down the specifics.

President Lincoln Loud spoke simply.

"Over the course of this year, as I hope all the citizens of these United States can attest to, I've been very busy." Subtle pauses in his calm voice allowed sentence to seem heavier than before. "I know it has concerned many and do not worry. I believe I have found a solution."

"And that solution is Mr. President?" Reporters had this tendency to interrupt even when it was not necessary. Something urging them to let the audience remember this was their interview.

"You all know I have ten wonderful, amazing sisters… I will be approaching them in order to offer the position of First Lady to one of them." His left hand moved as if gently offering a small gift.

"Incest? That's your answer?!"

"What? No let me clarify."

"That's, that's."

"Now hold up now!" The President's pleas went unnoticed.

"That's. That's."

"Allow me to elaborate!"

"AN AMAZING IDEA!"

"..."

"What?" President Loud looked at the reporter dumbly.

"You heard it here first, viewers!" The news crew focused solely on the face of the zealous reporter. "President Loud will be asking to marry one of the Loud Ten! I'm sure our viewers will be eager to share who they think will be best fit for First Lady! A poll will be, without a doubt in my mind, on our site for voting!" The reporter turned back to the president. "Thank you Mr. President for this exclusive. This has been News 11 from the White House. Good night, and god bless."

The lights abruptly shut off and the red dot on the cameras were gone. In a tornado of excitement, the crew packed up and left. President Lincoln Loud sat in his chair with a face of horror. He looked around to see his secret service men standing at either door as stoic as always. As stoic as large men who were hiding their smiles could be. The president slumped down in his chair, his palms went to his face as he internally screamed into them.

* * *

President Lincoln Loud sat at his desk in the oval office. The striped flag of the United States almost looked disappointed in him in its non flowing state. The room was silent and he sat with only his thoughts. He feared what would happen if he left this sanctum. A black computer screen reflected his somber face that he refused to acknowledge.

So long President Loud, so long! He thought. In a matter of seconds he had destroyed his political dream. All he could hope for now was that all his mandates were not torn to shreds when he was impeached or stepped down. America should not suffer for his misguided words.

*ring ring*

The phone buzzed for him. With a sigh he picked up the phone.

"Yes?"

"Mr. President," This may very well be the last time he heard those words. He savored them briefly before the following sentence hit him like a ton of bricks. "The Prime Minister of the UK is on line 3 for you."

Oh no.

For the sake of America, Lincoln would do his best to do damage control.

"Thank you…" His finger pressed a button labeled three which was blinking red with impatience. "President Loud speaking, what can I do for you Prime Minister Mitchell?"

"Well hello Mr. President! I do hope I find you in good health." The chipperness in his voice was off putting to Lincoln. "That interview you just completed has caused quite the stir across the pond here."

"Prime Minister, let me assure you my views and words were-"

"Oh bugger all that, anyways we over here would like to cast our own vote for Luna."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Aw, yes yes. I believe her adoption of our culture into her music has been well received here only next to Lola's refinement."

"I'm not sur-"

"Anyways tata for now, see you at the next world summit."

*click*

The phone hung up leaving the white noise of the dial tone ringing in his ear. He slowly put down the phone. Silence prevailed once again.

*ring rin-*

He picked up the phone.

"Yes?"

"Japan is on line 3 and Russia is on line 4 for you Mr. President."

"..."

Lincoln pressed 3.

"President Loud speaking"

"Greetings, Mr. President." A gruff but honorable Japanese accent came through the receiver. "About your recent broadcast."

"I can assure you Prime Minister Zenigata. My words wer-"

"We would very much like to see the marriage of you and Lily-Hime. Her artwork here has touched us greatly in Nippon."

"..."

"We will patiently wait for your decision. Have a very nice day."

The phone hung up.

Lincoln pressed 4.

"President Loud speaking."

"Lana wrestle bear with hands. Obvious choice."

The President of Russia hung up before Lincoln could even speak.

Lincoln's eyes looked down to see the buttons of 5 & 6 already blinking red.

He pressed 5.

France: "The people of France desire to see the marriage of Lucy, a poet of such magnitude would do well as the First Lady."

Brazil: "Lynn's performance at the last World Cup warrants consideration in your decision, Mr. President."

Mexico: "Have you considered in-laws in regards to Senorita Santiago?"

China: "The innovations of Miss Lisa Loud have impressed us."

Italy: "Leni's fashion fuels the heart of Mulan and we would love her to receive the recognition she so truly deserves."

The list went on.

* * *

Leaders from around the world called in with the voice of their own people, or possibly just their own. Call after call came in. None allowing him to speak. With business stated, President Loud repeated the process. Hang up, press button for next call, hear about how amazing one of his sisters was, and repeat.

The door to the Oval Office swung open midway through his conversation with the German leader. Lincoln's Vice President, and best friend, Clyde McBride came in with a look of worry. He quickly moved to a wall in the office that slowly began to flip at the press of a remote. A large television screen revealed itself.

"I understand Germany loves Luan's comedy. Yes, yes. I'll consider it. Vice President McBride has just entered the Oval Office so I need to go now. Thank you, good bye." Lincoln's white hair was messy due to the constant threading of his fingers. He had long ago thrown off his suit jacket and undid his tie. His jowls hung like an exhausted basset hound. "Clyde, please tell me something good."

"I mean good is a matter of perspective." The Vice President changed the channel so it was on a large news network. Large letters flashed on the screen: Loud's Top Ten Choices For The First Lady!

"Oh no."

"The race for support of which of the Loud Ten you support is picking up. In California we can see Lola is in the lead against Luan and Luna." Lincoln stood up from his desk. He walked around to be shoulder to shoulder with his oldest friend. The report continued. "In New York we can see Lori is on top even with her known marriage. She is followed by Leni then surprisingly Lisa. This is shaping up to be quite the race."

"I thought you said you were just making one of them the First Lady, not marrying them!" Clyde's eyes showed how confused he was.

"I was!" Lincoln shouted back. All formality between their statuses forgotten in the hullabaloo. "The reporter cut me off before I could explain myself."

"Well, just look at what's happening." The Vice President pointed to the screen.

A load of reporters and photographers rushed forward as they spotted the bouncing ponytail of Lincoln's funniest sister. On break from recording she was simply wandering after getting a coffee when the mob swarmed her. Not unfamiliar with the paparazzi she was ready for them.

"Miss. Loud! How do you feel about President Loud's proposition?!" Several microphones and flashes of cameras could be seen on screen.

"Hmm… Let me think about that?" Luan tapped her chin in a comical fashion. "I mean he's the president and as they say 'In Cest We Trust'! Hahaha!" Her finger pointed to the group of photographers.

"Get it?!~" Luan's catchphrase was finished for her.

The camera cut away back to the studio where a discussion of which Loud sister would be the best First Lady continued. Clyde muted the sound.

"Okay this is bad." Lincoln spoke plainly.

"You think?" His friend told him sarcastically. "Look, Lincoln, it could be worst."

"How so?!"

"Do you see those numbers?" Clyde pointed to a poll on screen, the numbers were in the millions. "Everyone's swept up in the wave of First Lady fever."

"What about the fact I'm going to be impeached?!"

"Actually it looks like everyone doesn't care or is supporting your choice."

"I'm not making a choice!"

"Who cares?! Wait that's Lynn!" VP McBride unmuted the news.

In the locker room, after a difficult game she had been named MVP for, the Olympian and all around world's best athlete Lynn Loud Jr. was being interviewed. Sweat and dirt dotted her tired face as she spoke about her team's performance.

"I'm glad my team had my back there. It really came down to the wire this time but like always Lynn Loud prevails!" She struck a pose as several took photos.

"Miss. Loud! What do you think about your brother, President Loud, wanting to marry you?"

"He what?!" Lynn looked dumbstruck.

"Yes less than an hour ago, while you were playing, he admitted he would be approaching one of his sisters to be his First Lady." The reported stated from her notepad.

"He did?" Her tanned skin suddenly became red. She fidgeted and began to pull at her ponytail. "Did he, um, mention me specifically?"

*Knock knock*

Both leaders of the free world jumped out of their skins. A White House intern entered carrying a smartphone.

"Mr. President, one of your sisters is on the phone for you." Lincoln looked to the intern's hand. It was his private phone meant for close friends and family.

"Clyde turn it down." His childhood friend obliged but watch on screen as it returned to another poll. Current lead, Luna, but after those interviews Lynn and Luan had jumped up immensely. Lincoln took the phone as the intern left. He raised it to his ear. "H-hello?"

"Um hey bro…" The gravelly voice of his zoologist sister came through the line. "I-it's Lana…"

"Um yeah, hey Lana. How's everything?" Lincoln wiped some sweat from his brow with his sleeve. It stained with large amounts droplets.

"Uhh… pretty good. I was just milking a rattlesnake for an antivenom… so I saw the news…"

"Look Lana, I'm sorry if some reporters are bugging you. I really didn-"

"No, I'm kind of out in a literal desert right now. It's cool. Hey listen…" On the other side of the call, Lincoln could not see Lana kicking a small stone around as she paced. "I'm finishing up here. If you want I could fly out so we can have dinner tomorrow… If you want I mean."

"..."

"Uh, Linc?"

"Yeah, sure Lana. I'll have the secret service arrange everything."

"Really! I-i mean. Cool." Lana spotted several black diamonds slither into a patch of stones. "Hey I think I see another rattler. I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Yeah I'll see you *beep*" An audible beep sounded on his end to alert him that another call came in.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, I think I'm getting another call. Love you bye." Lincoln switched to the next call. Somewhere in the many wildlife reserves of America, Lana Loud giggled and punted a large rock in pure joy.

Lincoln fiddled with his phone as he turned on the next call.

"Oh ho ho ho!" A large hotti laughter came from the tiny speaker of his phone. "Lincoln Loud, I hear you're looking for the perfect~ First Lady."

"*sigh* Hi Lola." Lincoln pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh don't be like that darling. I'm packing my bag as we speak. I've got the first flight out tomorrow." The past Miss America told him.

"Wait, I need the secret service to talk to you first."

"Of course. I'm sure they'll inform me of my role as First Lady on the way. I'll see you tomorrow. Kisses!" Lola's delicate hand hung up the phone as she began looking through her walk in closet for essential outfits.

Lincoln's palm hit his forehead hard.

What the heck was happening?


	2. Chapter 2

**Whimfu1 here.**

 **Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter. I was very interested in whether people would be casting votes or not. As expected some did. While I'm still planning the outcome, I did want to make a poll for the story for who should be First Lady. Fanfiction does have that capability but I don't know how to use it fully yet. I also don't know if I would want it to affect the story as I feel it might become who is your favorite sister rather than who according to the story would be the best fit.**

 **Another thank you to those who also mentioned where I can post my artwork. I will most likely default to the Loud Booru as the posting will be quick and there is no quality control so I can post pencil sketches without coloring them on my computer. Not that I won't colorize it's just somethings would be pointless to actually color.**

 **Other stories:**

 **So as I am back at school writing is a bit harder but it does not mean I've stopped. I think I'll probably start changing my bio to have a section of what I'm working on and just mention when I post a chapter on any of my stories that check my bio for info. I work on 6 stories simultaneously, some publicly and some privately. I do frequent rewrites and sometimes my passion for one project is stronger than another. I want to be clear on my position on all my stories currently public with chapters on my author page.**

 **Little Intruder (M) - It's completed. I'm super happy to have it finished. Funnily someone commented that I should finish a story before starting another. I checked the times and I posted the final chapter about 11 minutes before that review was written. When I said 'almost done' I really should have written currently writing the final lines. I posted the first chapter of this as a break from editing that story.**

 **Age Gap (M) - Chapter 17 done ( & edited) but it's filler. It's interesting but short so I'm going to write 18 then publish them together. 18 is not far along. That story probably has 6 to 7 chapters left and getting to those final chapters is rough. I know how I want it to finish but as it's my first story I want to make sure it is one of my stronger stories. In the between, I went ahead and edited the first 3 chapters, something I neglected to do in my enthusiasm to post my first story.**

 **Zap (M) - Wheel spinning. I'm at a point where a mentor is supposed to step in and tell Lincoln about the curse. The issue is presenting it in an interesting fashion. Each attempt I've done is too dialogue heavy and boring. I need to reread some good examples of mentors before I pick it back up.**

 **In Cest We Trust (T) - With ridiculous situations this one is easy to write. I wrote this chapter in about 3 hours while eating dinner. It's fun to write and doesn't require much thinking. So far my second favorite story to write for, Age Gap is first.**

 **Loud Bot (M) - A story I had 8 chapters of already written. I went ahead and edited it and will post it in conjunction with this chapter. I just want to post it as something people can read as I'm slow on my updates currently.**

 **Anyways enjoy the story.**

* * *

Bright flashes of light greeted the two twins as they each stepped out of Air Force One. Having a private jet on your beck and call was a perk only a few men in the world have, of course President Lincoln Loud was one of them. Not prepared for the sudden barrage of lights, Lana removed her campaign hat to block her eyes until they had time to adjust from the darkened cabin. Lola, however, greeted the paparazzi with her Oscar winning smile and the wave a princess would give to her beloved citizens.

Shouts of questions and encouragement resounded from the waiting news crews. Two men in suits waited at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the door of the aircraft. They were secret service same as the two that would be exiting the plane shortly after Twin Loud women descended. Lana's gaze was downwards allowing her to see the tail end of her sister's dress moving forward. In a panic she followed.

Lana replaced her hat onto her head. From a gloved hand, Lola blew kisses to the crowd and answered questions with ease. The two secret service men began parting the sea of people on the runway to reach a parked limo.

"Lola! Lola! How do you feel about President Lincoln's proposal?!" An unknown reporter shouted out to the actress.

"I'll gladly accept my brother's advancements. I'm excited at the challenge of being the First Lady, as well as the life we will share together." Several hollers of approval resounded throughout the news crews.

"Lola! Do you believe the President plans to pop the question tonight?!" Another unknown voice shouted out.

"Hmm," Lola made a slight turn to the voice but made sure her good side faced more towards the cameras. "Perhaps but that all depends on if he prepared the ring beforehand! Oh ho ho!" The ex Miss America hoity laughter radiated out as she put a gloved hand to block her open mouth. Several reporters laughed with her. With slight annoyance, Lana shoved her hands into her pockets.

"Lo-"

"Lana!" A reporter pushed passed another to grab the zoologist's attention. They had reached the car at this point but the sudden inquiry prompted both the twins to stop and listen. "Is it true that you were the first of the Loud Ten to talk to the President after the announcement?!"

"Huh?" Lola muttered under her breath. Lana gave her sister a quick glance and smiled at the reporter.

"From what I know, Yes! I was his first!" The older Loud twin stood tall, with one hand on her hip, she brought her thumb to her chest pointing to herself proudly.

Large outbursts of excitement came from the crowd and more pictures were taken. The light tutting of Lola's tongue was barely audible over the noise but Lana reveled in it. She was not as behind as her twin had thought several hours earlier.

* * *

Several hours before, a secret service woman picked up the zoologist's luggage for her.

"Miss. Lana Loud, it's an honor to meet you." The agent told the rugged Loud women. "Would it be okay if I got a picture with you once we are in the air?"

"A picture with me?" Lana blushed slightly at the inquiry. You'd think years of hosting several nature documentaries and expeditions would make her used to being attention grabbing, it didn't. "Sure, I don't mind."

"Great! Thank you. My son loves the show." They ascended the stairs into Air Force One. "Your sisters are already in the back."

"Sisters?"

Lana made her way back into the large cabin of the jet. The cabin was overall dark but in the distance she could see a single open window. The light of the window was just enough to illuminated a single seat that had a hand holding a wine glass slung over the armrest. The rugged girl's boots thudded against the aisle as she moved to check the well manicured hand's owner.

"Lola?!"

"Lana?!"

The women in pink stood up and hugged her sister.

"Lana dear! Whatever are you doing here?" Lola held her wine glass out as to not spill it on her sibling.

"I could ask you the same?" Lana's squeeze caused a minor cracking noise to come from the ex Miss America. As they broke the hug, Lola placed a palm on her spine where the sound had originated.

"Well what are you waiting for? Sit deary, we have much to talk about." Lola sat back down in her seat while pointing to the chair across the aisle. With a press of a button the chair swiveled so they could face each other. "Soooo, are you filming for a documentary again?"

"No, I'm taking a break doing my own studies." Lana sat down and fiddled with the controls of her seat. After several attempts she was facing her sister. "What about you, any new roles?"

"Several offers but I'll obviously be taking a few years off as the First Lady." The wine glass was raised to the refined sister's lips as she took a sip. Lana's mood deflated at her statement.

"First Lady?" Lana's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water.

"First Lady. Haven't you seen the news, deary?"

"Yes… and I mean-"

"Linky's looking for the perfect First Lady, and who would be better than moi~!" Her gloved hands stretched out in a showy fashion.

"Well. I think-"

"I'm the most refined, elegant, and beautiful sister out of the ten of us. I'm the obvious choice!" A mumble from her sister was not enough to stop her self praise. "I'll be the best First Lady this country has ever seen!"

"W-what about Lincoln?" Lana managed to ask.

"Well, it's packaged deal of course." Lola didn't notice her sister's downcast look. "Linky will be an added bonus!"

"Lola?"

"Yes, Lana?"

"Could you let me have this one?"

Lola looked away from the swirling liquids in her glass. Finally she was aware of the somber look of her older twin.

"Huh?"

"I don't really have an interest in being First Lady… but I really do love Lincoln." She looked up through unsure eyes. "I'm not as beautiful or fancy as you, so I might not be a good first lady but… If you aren't interested in Lincoln could you just let me have this one."

"Oh, Lana." Lola placed down her wine glass. Her gloved hands reached across the aisle and held her sister's.

"You may not be refined," Her eyes unintentionally glanced down to her twin's dirty safari like shorts. "But you are beautiful in your own way. I may seem confident but I know you will be my toughest competition."

"Thanks, Lola. That means al-"

"But for the record, I do love Linky and I will not be losing." Lola lent back and grabbed her wine. "I was Miss America! First Lady, Miss America? It's basically just a different way of saying each!"

"*Pfft*! Yeah right!" Lana lent back and started taking off her hiking boots. "How is prancing around on a stage in a bikini anyway close to being First Lady?"

"It's closer to anything you've done. Admit it Sis, you're behind."

A small 'grr' from Lana was the best retort she could come up with. She had not expected to run into her sister so soon. The woman thought she had acted quickly and hopefully would be the first one to make a move. It was already leaked by some White House intern that she had called Lincoln but she had not heard about anyone else. With Lola's appearance it was obvious she was not the only one though.

"Miss. Lana?" The secret service woman who had carried her bags into the plane popped up between them. "Could I get that picture, please?"

"Oh course!"

"Oooo~ my son's not going to believe it. My family is rooting for you by the way!"

A smug smirk from Lana annoyed Lola to no end.

* * *

"Clyde…" President Lincoln Loud looked over his shoulder to his Vice President a foot behind him. "Why are we meeting my sisters publicly?" Lincoln's white head turned to see what was basically a valley of reporters and photographers surrounding the White House.

"Someone leaked the calls, they would be here regardless." VP McBride adjusted the cuffs of his suit jacket. Just to their right was a sole camera crew from News 11, the only news allowed inside the main lobby of the White House. A camera was fixed on the two leaders awaiting the arrival of the Loud sisters. "Plus the public is loving it. Just go with the flow."

"The public has misunderstood what I said," Lincoln whispered aggressively. "And now my sisters have flow in with misconceptions. For god's sake, I'm going to get impeached."

"No you aren't," Clyde rolled his eyes. "Seriously, no one cares."

"Incest is illegal remember?! ILLLLLLLLEEEEGGGAAALLL!" The gate leading to the White House lawn opened. A black limousine with two small flags of old glory fluttering in the breeze crossed the threshold. Camera flashes reflected off the paint and tinted windows did not allow the crowd to see who was inside. The president watched as the limo approached. "Christ, they're here."

The car slowly rolled to a halt right in front of the double stairways to the front door. A secret service member quickly got out of the limo and ran to the back. Opening the door, a stiletto heel clacked against the cement. Lola arose slowly and gracefully from the seat. On the other side of the fence several people 'ooo'ed before snapping photos. The blonde woman flicked her hair back before doing an over the shoulder pose of her best angle for the cameras.

The crowd loved it.

Lana… not so much.

The zoologist had to stare at her sister's slender butt for too long as she posed. Instead of waiting for her to move, Lana jumped to the other door and kicked it open. Forward rolling onto the nearby grass she landed like a robot assassin from the future. Cheers for her action packed appearance stirred the fervor of the audience and loud 'whoops' came forth.

Lola tutted at her twin's upstaging.

Two secret service members pulled up behind the limo in a SUV. They exited the car and began escorting the Loud sisters to the front door. Lola continued her waving while Lana brushed off grass clippings. The double doors to the lobby opened.

"Welcome sisters to the White House!" President Loud opened his arms as he announced to the group. Outside the crowd had retreated back to several screens provided by the news networks to watch what was happening inside. With the camera pointed at them the US leader had switched back into charismatic politician. "I'm glad to find you in good health." Lola and Lana had just begun their curtsy and blushing wave respectively when a force pushed them aside.

A dark shadow took the President's lips.

Roarful cheers burst free from the crowd outside as the News 11 reporter shouted into a microphone.

"Lucy gets the first kiss!"

Lana and Lola looked dumbstruck as they saw their Gothic sister currently kissing their brother. Lincoln's eyes also showed shock while Lucy's… well no one could see them. The dark one released the leader of the free world.

"Hello Lincoln." The women in black told him.

"H-hi Lucy."

"AAHAHRHEWLRASKFASDFKHASDHFKASBVDBWEKFSADBAJLVJXCVASD!" Is about as accurate the sound coming from outside could be called.

Several replays of the kiss began playing around the world. Real time, slow mo, frame by frame, nothing was sacred. Some networks switched to correspondents or experts to describe the passion behind it. Some channels began interviewing Lucy cult members for their opinions on the kiss, in their words 'as was foreseen, our dark mistress will be victories'.

Vice President McBride's whistle of wowing final snapped everyone back to attention.

"WHEN DID SPOOKY GET HERE?!" Lola shouted out throwing her arms out in disbelief.

"Buh, buh" Lana began repeating while grasping her hat.

"I boarded the plane and limo with you, Lola." Lucy did not turn to address her little sister. "You just failed to notice."

"Gah!" Lola rushed up to Lincoln and threw her arms around him. "I refuse to be behind!"

Lola pressed her lips against the still rattled man.

More cries of amazement shook the glass of the White House. Out of all her on screen kisses, this kiss would be known as her best. Analysis and scandalous gossip on whether a single pink pixel indicated tongue play went across the world. Lola was mentally counting the seconds to make sure she was showing enough passion but not seeming distasteful or greedy. When her limit was reached, she came up for air.

"Linky~" She whispered sultry into his ear.

The girl in pink spun around to her twin before the man could respond.

"Come on Lana, don't let Lucy leave you in the dust." Lola told her sister. Lana began running her hat between her fingers.

"I-i'd rather kiss Lincoln privately."

The sound of swooning reporters and fainting journalist hitting the cement resounded outside.

"It'll be too late! Kiss him now!"

"I-iiiiii"

"Go ahead." Lucy spoke in a monotone voice.

"Uhh, uh, uh." Lana shook her head to get out of her stupor and raced forward.

Using her hat she blocked the camera from seeing her kiss Lincoln.

"Wooo! Alright Lana!" Lola began cheering before refining herself. "Erm, I mean. I see I have two worthy opponents for this bout."

"Indeed." Lucy made her way to her side.

"..."

"..."

"Lana, you can stop now."

"..."

"..."

"No seriously."

"..."

"..."

"Alright that's enough!"

Lola began pulling her twin off.

Reports later estimated that during the entire time Lana's hat blocked the shot compared to the average kiss length meant she had obtained about 15 kisses worth of saliva from Lincoln.

Why are they like this?


	3. Chapter 3

**Whimfu1 here. Finally coming back with a chapter to my most ridiculous story. Not much to say, I just remembered where I was going with this story. All the girls are coming, but it's important in this story to develop dynamics I think.**

 **Thanks for all the reviews and the votes of which sister you'd like to "win".**

 **About a few comments:**

 **Unity123 - That would be an interesting idea, multiple endings I mean. It's not likely though, I don't think the set up of the fanfiction site would be good for that. I'd love to have a choose your own adventure story but I don't want to spam alerts of new chapters to those following the story.**

 **Im The Person - Wow, that'd be clever but the fact Lola had to pull her off shows that it's not the case. Her hat was to block the camera's view but her sisters got the full show.**

 **That's it for now, enjoy.**

* * *

"Alright, no cameras pass this point." Vice President McBride put his arms wide to stop the news crew from following the tour President Lincoln was giving his sisters.

"Wha?! Come on, we don't want to miss any juicy developments." The report begged dropping down to their knees and everything.

"Don't worry we will have daily updates." Two secret service moved in to flank crew in response to the VP's hidden gesturing. "Rest assure you will be well informed about anything that occurs between President Loud and his sisters."

"You better!" The reporter shouted even as they were escorted away. "The public needs to know!"

"Hehe, sure." The Vice President continued to wave until the news crew disappeared around the corner. Once gone, Clyde just shook his head as he released a large sigh. "This is going to be rougher than I thought."

The VP McBride reached to his collar and loosened his tie just enough to breath but also to still be respectable. He looked back to see the Loud sisters currently fighting about who should be locking arms with Lincoln. This was the third fight to occur already with the first causing a tumble that would most likely be making the rounds online already.

After their first, explosive meeting, Lincoln was personally leading a tour of the White House for his younger sisters. During which Lola constantly had to pull Lucy off of Lincoln as she constantly snuck into snuggling distance. Several points had become battles of control where the sisters would engage one another for control of Lincoln's appendages. Fortunately for the President, their tour was reaching a close.

"And this is the Presidential suite where I sleep." The white haired man opened the door to reveal an extravagant room hearkening back to the older days of American history. Several chairs with frills and draping seemed more fit for Victorian Royalty rather than the leader of the free world surrounded a marble table top. A large, king sized bed with a white and gold canopy was against the wall next to probably several hundred years old nightstands.

"Ooo!" Lola sauntered in and inspect every nook and cranny. "The eggshell white is a bit overwhelming, I wonder if we can't get some sort of accent wall in here." Her hands went up to make a frame with her fingers like a photographer would for a shot.

"Excuse me?" Lincoln went to stand beside her.

"It will have to do." The former Miss America sat at the foot of the bed. Her slender leg swung over to cross and she flipped her hair. "Alright, where shall I put my belongings?"

"What? No, this is my room, Lola." The President told the woman on his bed. "You three will be staying in the guest bedrooms."

"..."

"That's no way to treat your future wife, Lincoln." The lady waved her hand dismissively.

"She's right, Lincoln." Lucy moved out of the shadows. "It would be better if I spent the night with you."

"Oh, no you don't sister." Lola snapped her gloved fingers. "I'm going to be Lincoln's women."

"What?! No! Girls, let me explain the situation."

"Lincoln!" Lana popped her head out of the restroom. "Your bathroom is fricking huge! You can could easily fit an alligator in the bathtub if it curled up some."

"Large enough for two adult humans, perhaps?" A monotone voice asked.

"I guess," The zoologist looked back at the bath. "You might have to squeeze up a bit."

"That sounds wonderful." A tongue traced across her black lips.

"Alright, everyone stop!" President Loud called the trio to order. A silence prevailed over the presidential suite. The white haired man took a deep breath before addressing them. "Look, I appreciate your enthusiasm but I need to clarify some things. How about you go to your rooms for now and we can reconvene at dinner in an hour or so."

"..."

"Understood, Lincoln." Lucy gave her brother a slight bow.

"Yeah, sure…" Lana scratched the back of her neck.

"*Hmpf* Fine." Lola turned up her nose.

"Thank you, girls… A lot of things have happened and I want to clarify things fully." One by one, Lincoln went to give his younger sisters a hug. "I'm so happy to see you. Each and everyone of you. Things are weird right now but I'll make sure to do right by you." Clyde watched the scene from the doorway, taking in each of the Louds expressions.

"Alright, alright." The VP finally came inside the room. "Why don't you girls follow me. I'll take you to your rooms."

"Thanks, Clyde." Lincoln nodded to his oldest friend.

"No problem, bud. Follow me girls." Clyde moved aside to allow the girls to file out one by one. Closing the door behind him the Vice President lead down the many halls of the White House.

"*Hmpf*!" Lola voiced her annoyance. "What is Lincoln thinking? Throwing three beautiful women out of his room."

"I believe he's just being shy." Lucy's black dressed trailed behind her as she followed their guide.

"Do you think…" Lana put her head down and shoved her hands in her pockets. "Do you think he already chose someone?"

"Now I can guarantee you, Lincoln has not." Clyde came to a stop and turned to the three sisters. "Lincoln has not decided who he wants to be the First Lady."

"So that means we still have a chance?" The tomboy twin asked shyly.

"Yes, Lincoln publicly announced his intent to see which of you were actually interested." The man adjust his cuffs.

"Well, we obviously are!" The ex-Miss America rolled her eyes. "Why is he being so stubborn about it though?"

"Uhh…" Better to let Lincoln explain that, thought Clyde. "He's just wants to make the right choice. The First Lady is a big deal and he just can't make up his mind. You are all such lovely ladies, he can't decide. Show him your good points and I'm sure everything will work out."

"If he wanted to see my good points, he should have just let me stay in his room." Lola flung her hair over her shoulder.

"*Pfft* Yeah right, Linc wants a girl with more meat on her bones." Lana flexed her bicep the once choked out a bull.

"Please," Her twin scoffed. "I've done yoga for nearly a decade. There's no end to what we could get up to."

"I ask you to refrain from speaking any further about my future lover." Lucy edged between them. "It is unbecoming as his fate was decided long ago."

"Whatever! A blood ritual when you were 10 doesn't count." The princess scrunched up her nose.

"Of course it does. We were united under the moon goddess' sky."

"You mean you licked his scraped elbow when he tripped playing 'ARGH!'."

"Still counts."

"No, it doesn't!"

Oy vey, the Vice President rubbed his temples at the sisters bickering. Meanwhile, President Lincoln prepared a presentation for dinner. Sure, they didn't get it now but after he showed them this, they'd get it.

After the bickering finally died down. Everyone made it to their rooms and unpacked. Time flew by and after an hour a staff member knocked to retrieve the Loud sisters.

* * *

"Alright, did everyone understand?" President Lincoln Loud looked across the dinner table to the confused faces of three of his younger sisters.

"Uhh, could we go back to the thing about the old guy?" Lana shifted in her seat as she pointed to the whiteboard Lincoln had rolled out to illustrate his point. The white haired man face palmed before pointing back to his presentation.

"Okay this is the 15th president of the United States, James Buchanan…" He looked at the three women at different stages of eating their steak dinners. Finishing their unpacking, the group had convened in the White House dining room where the chef had prepared a steak dinner with wine. The room was originally doused in candle light until President Lincoln decided to ruin the mood so they could see his whiteboard. "And like me he too was a bachelor president."

"And unlike you, he didn't have three beautiful women vying to be with him." Lola elegantly spoke before raising her glass of wine to her lips.

"Lola, please!" The president begged. "Let me continue." Her gloved hand waved for him to do so.

"Thank you," President Lincoln adjusted his tie before speaking. "While it is most often a spouse who is the First Lady of the United States, it does not have to be. Instead President Buchanan elected to have his niece serve the role."

"Okay…" Lana looked up to the white haired man. "So he married his niece so she could be a First Lady?"

"No, Lana." Lincoln stayed patient even as she asked the same question she did earlier. "Buchanan never married his niece."

"So how did she become the First Lady?" The zoologist asked while scratching under her hat.

"Okay… Listen," Lincoln put his palms together and put his fingers to his lips. Taking a deep breath, he lowered them in a cutting fashion as he clarified. "The First Lady does NOT! I repeat, NOT need to be married to the president!"

"..."

"Then how is she the first lady?"

"Oh for heaven's sake!" President Lincoln gave up and threw himself back into his chair. His plate was cold due to how long it was taking to explain the situation to his sisters. He did not pay it any mind and began slicing into his food.

Lucy watched as her brother sunk into his seat. His shoulders slumped in his well ironed suit and he looked exhausted. In this exacerbation, the goth women saw opportunity. She stood up from her empty plate so she could slowly make her way around the table. Her tomboy sister watched with curiosity as she saw the flowing black dressed women pass while the more proper twin tried to discern what Lucy was doing.

President Lincoln thought he felt the cold grasp of death grab him from behind. He quickly turned out of fear but luckily it was just his poetic sister. Lucy stood tall behind him, a gentle smile conveyed somehow in her expressionless face. Her cold, slender hands currently held his shoulders tightly before her thumbs applied pressure. A small oh escaped the white haired man's lips as his sister began kneading out knots he didn't realise built up.

"You seem stressed, Lincoln." Lucy's monotone voice was slow and breathy. "Allow me to be of assistance."

"Well, oh~ if you insist." The leader of the free world was putty in the dark queen's hands.

Lola simmered and twisted the stem of her wine glass out of frustration. Lana on the other hand felt a tinge of embarrassment, removing her hat she covered her growing redness. As the stress began to wash away, Lincoln moved his hand to tell Lucy to stop. Her hands released and she took a seat next to him instead of returning to her original one.

"Thank you, Lucy." Lincoln smiled to the pale women, Lucy found herself almost returning it but simply nodded instead. "Okay, girls. Let me try this again."

"Lucy…" Lincoln turned and held her hand. The goth felt her heart rate perk up from the warmth. He tried to make eye contact but her bangs blocked most of it. The white haired man continued. "Your way with words is unrivaled. I see you standing on a grand stage addressing thousands of our people. Inspiring them. Moving them. Encouraging them to be all they can be. That's the power you hold. It's an amazing gift, and I admire you for it. I want to give you the biggest stage of all. The world stage. There are still so many who have yet to hear you." He held her hands for another moment to allow his words to seep in. Lucy struggled to not wrap her fingers in his as he let them go.

"Lana…" The president turned to the more rough twin. Hearing her name startled her enough to allow her hat to drop to the ground. She saw an outstretched hand beckoning for hers. Lana hesitantly placed her calloused hand in his soft one. "You know, whenever I visit an elementary school they ask about you. Don't be surprised. Kids love your show. Your laid back attitude as you wrestle a croc out of the sewer, who wouldn't be impressed. But not only that. You teach them to also respect nature. This world is not just theirs but everyone's. The crocs you release into the swamp, the birds in the sky, even the rabbit on the lawn. I want to see you reach even more people." Lincoln felt Lana's fingers trace across his palm as he pulled back.

Once again, President Loud turned to his final sister. In her pink gown, a gloved hand was already extended for him to take. Lola had already seen what was happening and was waiting for her praise to come expectantly. Lincoln could only give a chuckle.

"Aw, yes. My little princess, Lola…" He took her hand and placed a chivalrous kiss upon it. He did not see the smirk she gave the other two. "You're a real piece of work."

Her hand suddenly retracted itself. Lola folded her arms before turning her nose up with a frumpth.

"Haha, so quick with the response. I'm sorry, I was only teasing." The sole Loud son extended his palm again. Lola opened a single eye to peek. She kept her offended posture but placed her hand back in her brother's.

"Lola…" The white haired man actually started. "You could easily be the next Jacqueline Kennedy. An idol in your own right who causes change by her sheer presence. You seem like the obvious choice to be first lady. You check off all the categories. Charismatic, intelligent, and even a bit of a fighter. If you are to be the First Lady, you will easily go down in history as one of the greatest."

"This is what I see in you all!" Lincoln stood up and looked at them one by one. His fist clenched and placed to his heart. "You are one of a kind. None of you are a bad choice. You are all outstanding. And that's what this country needs. Someone to inspire, someone to teach, someone to lead! That's why I want you! This is why I want you to be my First Lady. I can see it. With any of you by my side we can accomplish anything. Just like those days so long ago."

His hand reached out and faced up in the center of the table. It rested between all three of them. No closer to anyone than anyone else, all equal.

"So won't you join me on this journey and become my First Lady." His large grin showed his chipped tooth. A rush of nostalgia hit the girls as they remembered their days in a cramped house with a single bathroom. A kind smile with a chipped tooth always there to help them whenever they were feeling down.

"And you wonder why we love you." Lucy placed her hand on Lincoln's.

"The next Jackie Kennedy? Well, if I have to." Lola gentle laid her hand atop theirs.

"Take me now." Lana was the final one.

"Thank you everyone. I could not ask for better sisters."

While their responses concerned him a bit, especially Lana's, Lincoln hoped this would be the first step to reaching an understanding.

* * *

Later that night…

Two figures grabbed the door knob of the Presidential Suite in the darkened hallway of the White House at the same time. The sudden touch scared both of them and they stumbled back both falling on their rears. Initial startle gone, they squinted so they could finally make out who each other was.

"What are yooouuu doing here?" Lola pointed at her twin sister. The zoologist in question was wearing a large, blue t-shirt that draped low like a dress resting about mid thigh.

"I should be the one asking yoooooouuuu that!" Lana pointed back at the former Miss America. While usually Lola would sleep conservative in a nightie with a small bit of skin care cream to clean her pores tonight was different. Tonight she was in a see through babydoll dress made to be seductive with matching lingerie.

"What? I'm Lincoln's Jackie Kennedy. Which means I'm his wife obviously!" She tossed her curled hair back over her shoulder. "And as his wife, I've come to sleep with my husband!"

"That's totally not what that means!"

"It so does!" Lola stood up and wiped off the dirt from the hem of the babydoll. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've left the president waiting."

"Hold up!" Reaching a kneeling position Lana grabbed the wife wannabe's wrist. "I-if you're Jackie! Then I'm Marilyn Monroe!"

"*GASP* That was never confirmed!" Both Loud twins were standing up facing each other. Nose to nose as they argued.

"Doesn't matter! What matters is that I'm going to sleep with Lincoln!" Lana 'grr'ed like an angry pitbull.

"Uh-un, sister, I'll be the one warming him up!

"No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

"No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

"No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

"Excuse me." Lucy edged passed them and entered the room.

"Oh sorry." Lana moved to the side as the door swung closed.

"Yes, our bad." Lola gave a small smile and a tootles as the door clicked.

The twins turned back at one another.

"No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

"No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

"N- wait…" Lana looked at the door.

"What is-" Lola suddenly realized it too before looking at the door as well.

"DANG IT!" They shouted in unison before rushing into the room.

Lucy had already settled with her arms folded across her chest as if she was a blood sucking undead. She rested next to Lincoln, mouth closed but a bit of drool coming out the corner of his mouth. The audible sound of snoring radiating outwards but it was unclear from who.

"Lucy!" Lola shouted in a stage whisper. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Sleeping with Lincoln." The response almost frightened them as with her bangs they had not been sure if the goth was awake. "Why?"

"Because that's my spot!" The former Miss American informed the dark being. Lana who was peeking from behind her sister nodded along.

"He has another side you know." Lucy told them.

"..."

Lola looked back to Lana.

Lana look to Lola.

They both rushed to the other side of the bed.

"I call dibs!" The tomboy shouted.

"What?! You can't call dibs on my husband!"

"So can!"

"So can't!"

A hand suddenly grasped the side of each of their heads before slamming them together. The twins fell back onto their butts, dazed by the impact. They watched as a figure sat up in bed.

Her brown ponytail was undone and her hair hung to her shoulder blades. She currently was in a plain white undershirt that was not thick enough to hide the dark red sports bra underneath. The sound of snoring was now gone out of the room.

"Do you mind?! I took two planes just to get here! I'm super tired!" The athletic Loud yelled in a whisper at the two.

"Lynn?!" Lola and Lana said together.

"Hmm… I wondered why that snoring sounded so familiar." Lucy commented.

"Ah! When'd you get here Spooky?" Lynn almost leap out of bed.

"What's going on?" A groggy President Lincoln sat up only to get interrupted by a cold hand.

"Nothing's wrong dear, go back to sleep." Lucy kissed her brother's cheek as she slowly pushed his chest back.

"Okay," The white haired owner of the room said in haze. "Thanks, dear. Goodnight." His eyelids fluttered slightly before closing for good.

"Heh, always wanted to do that." Lucy laid back down. "Thanks for taking my first Lincoln."

"For crying out loud." Lola just shook her head. "I'm not getting left out. Make some room, no way I sleeping next to Lincoln's smelly feet."

"I don't mind I'll take that spot."

"Ew, Lana, don't be so grody. You may become the First Lady for heaven's sake."

"Whatever, I'd rather just be Lincoln's wife."

"That positions already taken."

"Would you two shut up already!" Lynn scolded.

"Our bad."

Soon the room was filled with snores as the Loud sisters all cozied up against President Loud. The first day of the 'First Lady Fever' kicked off with an explosive beginning. While Lincoln is still trying to clear up the misunderstanding, little did he know that the Loud 10 were descending on his current location. Some by cars with a chatty friend, some by tour bus, and some by planes currently over the ocean. Soon they'd be here. Ready to fight for their rightful spot at Lincoln's side.


	4. Chapter 4

**Whimfu1 here. It has been awhile, especially for this story. This is perhaps my most requested story through PMs. I apologize for not responding to those but as I started receiving more I found it ineffective. Instead I started changing my BIO to show what stories I'm currently working on. If you ever wonder what story I'm working on at the moment that's the place to look. I leave a date as well so you can judge if the info is still correct. After finishing Age Gap I went for a nearly month long break. This was partially due to me being tired and also not knowing where to take several stories. To put it plainly I started this chapter several months ago and only returned to it today. I don't write in order so some stuff may even come off differently due to how my writing has changed over the month.**

 **Just know this, none of my stories are abandoned. I just jump around a lot. I have 6 stories I'm writing right now, notice that's more than stories unfinished on my page. And I have still have several more stories brewing in my mind.**

 **I decided not to address Questions this time as it has been too long since an update.**

 **Here's some quick notes on my other stories:**

 **Loud Bot - Outcome looks good for it finishing it. I'm just deciding how to do chapter structures: stay with my shorter chapter structure or just use page breaks like my other stories.**

 **Changing Hearts - I like writing it but the process is slow.**

 **Dangerous Sisters - Weighing how uncomfortable to make it. There is also a need to establish a final goal to keep the story structured as I believe it's still sitting in interesting situation Limbo.**

 **Those are the stories I have on my page so far. The others may come out soon, I don't know. They aren't as long, some are even oneshots.**

 **This chapter is to help me get back into writing. I struggled for awhile and found I need to just write to get something out. I feel back in the writing mood so I hope to get things out soon.**

 **Anyways, enjoy.**

* * *

The team plane's wheels unfolded out of the main body of the aircraft. The athletes inside began putting away their things as the pilot announced their decent. It had been a long flight and most had fallen asleep at one point or another. All except their star, Lynn Loud Junior. The VIP had been restless throughout the flight ever since she saw the morning headlines, '3 of the 10 Already Jumping Ahead!'. Without a doubt, the news agencies were moving fast to be the first to report about any incident concerning the so dubbed 'First Lady Fever'.

Lynn was incredibly frustrated with everything ever since she saw the three pictures of the kisses between Lincoln and Lucy, Lola, and Lana. Every few minutes or so she would hit the refresh button on her phone revealing a play by play of the president's proceedings.

Lincoln, personally, leading her sisters on a tour of the White House.

Lucy latching onto his arm during the tour.

Lola becoming jealous and latching onto his other arm.

Lana trying to jump on his back causing them all to fall into several straddling positions.

All so frustrating.

A change in pressure alerted her to stop her constant envying. The athlete put her tray table up in the upright and locked position before shoving her phone in a pocket.

What could she do?

She was under contract with the team, she couldn't just up and leave. They were in postseason. One loss and they'd be out. Her pride wouldn't allow her to throw but now she found herself hoping that she'd have a chance before it was too late. Her fist clenched to release some of her inner turmoil.

The plane rumbled as it hit tarmac. A roar of noise surrounded them as air rushed passed the cabin until they came to a slow stop. The seat belt light turned off as the pilot announced their landing. Lynn watched her teammates go to grab their belongings but she decided to wait and simmer in her bad mood. After five minutes the team plane finally rolled into its hanger.

"Alright everyone, head on home! We got practice first thing in the morning!" The head coach shouted throughout the aisles. The girls of the team responded with a resounding yes but Lynn could only sigh. The VIP stood and reached for the overhead bin.

"Hey Lynnsanity," One of her teammates slapped her butt as she passed. "Good luck in DC, we're all rooting for you!"

"Huh?" A look of befuddlement appeared on the brunette's face. Another girl spanked her toned glutes even harder.

"Whoa! Lynncoln forever!"

"Wait," Lynn looked over her shoulder. "What?!"

Another slap.

"Go the distances Lynn! Go Lynncoln!" Several 'whoa's came from those already ahead of them. A chanting started up from her teammates.

"Lynncoln! Lynncoln! Lynncoln!"

Lynn's eyes were wide as she looked at her friends in confusement. Their head coach began shouting for them to move aside as she finally made it to the star athlete.

"C'mon Lynn," The coach reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a ticket. "You've got a plane to catch." The ticket was basically shoved into Lynn's hand upside down. She flipped it and read it aloud.

"A 7:20 flight to...WASHINGTON DC!" She looked up at everyone who had smug smiles on their faces. "B-but what about the playoffs?"

"C'mon Lynnsanity!" A voice shouted out. "You may be our best player but we're still pretty tough without you!"

"Yeah!" Another teammate yelled. "Now go and bang your brother!"

"They're right, Lynn." The head coach placed a hand on the VIP's shoulder. "The U.S. could use a rough and tumble First Lady for once… And you're the first draft pick"

"I-iii don't know what to say." The fifth Loud told everyone.

"Don't say anything!" An athlete threw her a large duffle bag. "Just go!"

Her teammates moved aside into whatever space there was, leaving the entire left aisle open to Lynn. While their smirks were just enough to annoy their friend, Lynn could feel how genuine their actions were. A slight tear began welling up but she would never let it show.

"Thanks you guys." The Loud girl slung both her duffle bags over her shoulder. "Now move aside, I got a meeting with the president!" With great speed she burst out of the exit to a car waiting outside. Some of her team, who had exited before her, made a tunnel with their arms and began to chant.

"Lynncoln! Lynncoln! Lynncoln!"

Lynn Loud Jr. leapt into the car which speed off to her destiny.

All grew quiet.

"..."

"Is it weird we're rooting for incest?" Someone asked.

"..."

"Naaaahhhh!" Everyone shouted in unison.

* * *

"Are we on now?" The mother asked. "Ooo~ this is so exciting."

"Almost, Mrs. Loud." The reporter told the older mother of the Loud family. Several cables ran out the front door of the Loud house. A large van with a satellite array sat on the curb, from it the world was waiting to hear from the Loud parents. From inside the home the director started.

"Live in 5, 4, 3-" The director's voice stopped but he gestured with his fingers the remaining numbers. Taking a seat, the cameras were rolling.

"Good morning America!" The joyful reporter greeted the nation, even though the whole world was watching. "This is News 11 straight from the original Loud house. We are joined now by the parents of the Loud Ten and our one and only President Lincoln Loud." The camera framed the family couch nicely with the couple to the left and the reporter to the right. Lynn Sr. and Rita waved happily to the camera.

"Good morning America~!" The pair shouted out in glee.

"Now I'm sure our audience is dying to know your thoughts on the race to be the First Lady." The reporter got down to business. "What were your thoughts when President Loud announced his intentions?"

"Well... first we were shocked." Rita wanted to speak for them both, which was lucky as her husband was a bit too nervous to speak on camera. "But that was merely because Lincoln hadn't ever mentioned he was planning to get married."

"Are you saying there were no signs that the president was finally going to settle down?"

The mother hummed in affirmation. "Lincoln was always so busy with his studies and plans for girls. We were so worried he would go his whole life without meeting that special someone."

"I guess he couldn't because he had some special someones already in his life." The reporters joke only gained a modest chuckle from the Loud parents.

"Maybe so," The blonde mother nodded in agreement. "Lincoln was always such a caring brother for the girls. To think that it was because he loved all of them makes a lot of sense looking back it all."

"Remember that time we found Lola and Lana snuggled into Lincoln, sleeping, after watching a scary movie?" Lynn Sr. finally added to the conversation.

"And how he hushed us when we tried to wake them for breakfast." Rita joined in the memory.

"Aww," News 11 and the world imagined the scene. "How old were they?"

"Nineteen."

The gentle scene turned into fuel for the fires of the Lola and Lana camps.

"Anyways," The reporter turned back to the cameras, unphased by the presented ages. "We will have several moments with the Loud parents throughout this campaign but before we go…"

The reporter stopped for better framing and drama.

"Who do you think will be the next First Lady?"

"Well that's easy." Rita nearly chuckled at the trivial question. "Right, honey?"

"Of course it is." Lynn Sr. closed his eyes and nodded to how ridiculously easy it was. "It's obvious."

"Lucy/Lily."

The couple turned to one another unsure what the other said.

They tried again.

"Lucy/Lily."

They turned to each other again, evidently more annoyed than before.

Rita was the first to start.

"I'm sure you meant Lucy, honey." Her ending was stressed through a gritted smile.

"Nope, I'm sure you meant Lily. Right~?" Lynn Sr. stood his ground.

"You think Lily?!" Rita found her husband's words hard to swallow.

"Yes! Yes I do." The arm that once was around his wife's shoulder returned to himself, crossing in front of him. "Lincoln was the one who introduced her to drawing and anime that kicked off her love for Japan. They share a bond we couldn't even begin to understanding."

"I believe you'll find Lucy also shares a similar bond through her poetry." The mother equally postured herself. "And if I might add their contrasting hair color is adorable."

"I think YOU'LL find," The father's tone took a new tone. "Lily would make a better First Lady being so cultured and also be equally as adorable."

"Don't bring that First Lady stuff here." Rita scolded. "This is about which of our daughters should marry our son. Don't confuse the matter by bringing politics in here."

"Well I don-" Rita attempted to cut off her husband but he continued on. What proceeded was a shouting match between a Lucy faction member and a Lily faction member.

The reporter smiled at the ratings gold.

* * *

The speaker cracked to life a quarter inch cable plugged into the socket. A callous hand twisted the tuner and she made a small pluck to make sure.

A one. A two. A one, two ,three-

Luna's leather boot kicked down the president's door.

"What's up DC yah ya!" Her hand swung down from its apex and strummed across her strings.

*BA-TANG!*

"Aaaaahhhh!" President Lincoln Loud shoot up in bed. "Alien invasion!" His hand slammed the backboard of his bed causing the ceiling to open. A large laser rifle fell perfectly into his hands. The red dot focused on Luna's forehead. "No friendly contact this time, bucko."

"Whoa, Linc!" The rocker spoke into her headset microphone. "It's me, your favorite sis."

"Huh?" The white haired man rubbed his eyes. "Luna?"

"The one and only!" The woman shot out before entering a long guitar solo. The man immediately covered his ears, it was just too early for this. "And I'm here to love you tender!"

A pillow suddenly flew at her face. At least it's better than a laser blast.

"Keep it down, metal head!" A very upset pageant queen stole another pillow from a groggy goth.

"Lola?!" Lincoln felt several arms around him. "Wait a second." He pulled up his blanket. Several women were in the early stages of hangry monsters waking from a slumber.

"Ugh," The tired athlete tried to grab the blanket from his grasp. "C'mon, I'm on the off season."

"Lynn?!" Another arm wrapped around his waist, it was Lana.

"C'mon Linc, doesn't the savanna's sunset make you feel like cuddling up?"

Several women in their nightwear found themselves thrown out of the president's quarters.

With a huff, Lincoln slammed the door on all of them.

From her upside down landing against the wall, Lana finally saw her older rocking sister.

"Oh, hey Luna." The zoologist smiled. "When'd you get here?"

A blonde woman with a neon blue stripe peaked around the corner. Raising her phone she whispered into it.

"This is Groupie to 575. Groupie to 575." Sam Sharped peaked around the corner again at the arguing family. "I've made it to the Eagle's nest…"

"Anti-Loudcest is a go."

* * *

"I can't believe he threw me out!" Lola shouted out and released her bowling ball with the force to match her anger. After getting dressed and greeting the newest arrival, the five of ten Loud sisters decided to reconvene in the White House's bowling alley. The original Harry lanes were gone but a similar design of the room had been made several years ago. This allowed plenty of room for the girls to vent to one another.

Sadly, Lola's anger only resulted in a 7 - 10 split.

The past Miss America growled in annoyance.

"Chill, dude." The platinum record holder removed her studded leather boots for some spar bowling shoes. "I'm sure Linc's didn't expect you all to be in his bed, luv." Lola spun to glare at Luna.

"Why are you even here?!" The woman in pink shouted. "Aren't you dating her?!" Her well cared for hand pointed at the other rocker in the room.

"Sam?" Luna looked over to her friend. "We haven't dated in years. I'm here to make my country proud." With a stomp of anger, Lola accidentally caused her frame to fault.

"My turn." Lynn Jr. bumped to entitled princess out of the way. "Watch and learn ladies." The ball rocketed down the wood floors for her fifth strike. "Booyah!"

"Dang it, Lynn!" Lola shouted from her tumbled position. "We're here to decide who's going to marry Lincoln!"

"I thought winner got Linc?"

"Heck no!" Lana shouted out. The zoologist was still dressed in safari gear but her boots were now ready to bowl. "We suck at bowling, it should be something like gator wrestling."

"Poem writing." Lucy offered.

"Love Ballads!" Luna stood up from the couch.

"Stop it!" Lola jumped up and nearly slipped due to the lack of grip. She brushed off her pink dress before continuing. "We aren't having a competition beyond seduction. Lincoln will be choosing a First Lady of poise."

"An apt point, Lola."

The woman of the Loud family turned towards the entrance of the bowling alley.

A small figured woman who could never quite get rid of her baby cheeks entered view. Her short brown hair was frazzled and was all too familiar. She wore a lab coat regardless of the setting and pushed up her equally intelligent looking spectacles. This tiny woman was the genius of the family: Lisa Loud.

The second youngest entered the room while examining each of her sisters. "I see you are all well. I am glad that you are present to witness my engagement to Lincoln."

"Your engagement?!" Lola scoffed. "I think you mean-" Even with her small stature, Lisa's raised finger of silence was enough to quiet the prissy princess.

"I figured as much." Lisa started. "The News has already well informed me on the so dubbed 'First Lady Fever' that Lincoln inadvertently caused."

"Inadvertently?" Lana crept up.

"Of course it was inadvertent." Her eyes rolled behind her glasses. "But I'd be a fool not to use the confusion to my advantage. The scientific community would benefit greatly if I attain the First Lady position."

"And it will greatly benefit ME!" The ex-Miss America shouted at the scientist. "If Lincoln just shuts up and marries me already!"

"I believe you'll find that I am the most suited for Lincoln." Lucy spoke while shining a classic black bowling ball.

"Nah," Lynn pointed at herself. "He needs someone to really raise the roof of the White House."

"As I predicted." The genius shook her head. "This will solve nothing. We need to look at this empirically."

"We are a democratic republic." Lola scrunched up her nose. "Not an empire."

"Could have fooled me." The rebel Luna began laughing.

"I suggest we see who is the best match for Lincoln through a 3rd party pairing algorithm." The looks of confusion on the woman present were clear. "True Love Match dot com?" A range of 'oh's of understanding radiated forth. "I'll contact my colleagues to get it ready. Darcy!"

"Yes, Lisa!" A tan woman with a glowing smile peeked into the room.

"Please retrieve my laptop from your car."

"Righteo, best buddy!" Darcy quickly scanned the room and made eye contact with the blonde rocker. A subtle wink was exchanged between them. Lisa nodded unaware of any issues, her eyes scanned the crowd once again.

"Well sisters, I believe there is but one place to decide this..." Her lab coat lifted as she made a quick turn to the doorway.

"Let's move to the War Room."


	5. Chapter 5

**Whimfu1 here. As I abandon Dangerous Sisters, here's another chapter of this instead. It ain't much but I hope you enjoy. I'm also working on the next chapter as we speak.**

 ** _FANART?!_ : If you are a frequent reader of my stories there's a huge chance you are familiar with my most popular one: Age Gap. When I first ended that story I received a message from a budding artist called 'Vagabondart', their Deviant Art name. With some clarification of a scene relating to both the Age Gap Ch 24 Epilogue and the incident in Those Kids, they created a small 6 panel comic including my OC Quill, son of Lincoln and Thicc QT (Quinlan). Please give their page some love as they are just starting to post their art. Just google search:**

 ** _LOAN! An Age Gap Epilogue story_**

 **And look for the name Vagabondart. They are dealing with pencil and paper but they really capture the art style of the show. I especially love his 'Age Gap' Logo. Favorite and comment on it or whatever they do on deviantart. Their work really deserves it. To see a story you wrote inspire another was an amazing feeling for sure.**

 **Looking forward, as I drop Dangerous Sisters I'd like to make clear the position of my other stories, minus this one of course.**

 ** _Current Stories_ :**

 ** _Changing Hearts_ \- my Lola x Lincoln story where I really do try and take it slow. It's the story I probably enjoy the most writing in spurts as I love Lola as a character. It wasn't expected to be a huge story but I'd say around 10 chapters.**

 ** _Loud Bot_ \- my secret first Loud House story given new legs. Due to the nature of starting it and restarting it a half a year later, the story has changed dramatically. Dropped to T, I believe that it will probably only go for another 5 or so chapters.**

 ** _Stories in the works_ :**

 ** _Overcharge_ \- The sequel to 'Zap', I've worked out a lot of the story. The original 'Descendants' storyline will be reworked in a more centered story of still working through Lincoln's powers. I was inspired by a comment on the first part and saw a better story because of it. I'll drop that user's name when I finish the first chapter.**

 ** _This is a Deconstruction_ :**

 **There were a few statements that could be interpreted as rhetorical questions so I probably won't answer them. But I will admit 'Zack000' was spot on with his comment: "this fic is pretty much, the fandom shipping Lincoln with his sisters and not giving a shit about the incest". If it wasn't clear, that's why this story is under Parody. I'm sure others realize it but never wrote it down. I just wanted to outright say it. This is honestly my version of a 'Deconstruction'. The original deconstructions were usually more comedic less grim dark. For instance, there's a strange theory that 'Alice in Wonderland' was actually a deconstruction of modern mathematics due the fact the author, Lewis Carroll, was a mathematician. Look at the symbolism portion of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland Wikipedia page to see what I mean. It's just weird theory but there is a large amount of correlation. Eitherway, my intentions here were not as vague, this is parodying stories and fanatics of both sides of the shipping wars. It's all in jest but now that I've blatantly said it, I wonder if people will take it as such.**

 **Anyways, Enjoy.**

* * *

The president lent against the chest high podium. Several microphones nearly touching his nose as his face was placed in his palm. Lincoln should have listened to his vice president. Just like Clyde said: it had turned into chaos.

"Mr. President, Mr. President!" A slightly balding reporter stood up and raised his notepad. "When are you planning to announce your engagement to Lynn?!"

"I think what my colleague means is…" Another reporter got in front of the previous one. "What was the size of the diamond you gave Lola?!" No reprieve was given as a third reporter jumped in front of the second.

"Is it true you are simply waiting till Leni arrives to-"

And on and on it went.

Why did Lincoln think that this would have changed anything? Hold a press conference, calm the nation. Reiterate that the First Lady doesn't have to be married to the president. Tell them that he had no intention to marry any of his sisters. But no, he came out here. Told it as it is and got bombarded with insinuations.

"Will your honeymoon with Lucy be here or abroad?!"

"How many kids do you expect to have with Lily?!"

"Do you intend to appear on Luan's talk show when you make your announcement?!"

"Have you considered marrying outside the family?!"

Huh?!

"Wait," The President became alert and scanned the room. "Who said that?"

"Me!" A reporter in a blue dress raised her pen. "Is a Spring wedding likely for you and Lana?!"

"No, not that one." President Lincoln waved off that fanatic. "The one about marrying outside the family."

"Me, Mr. President." A young woman with a brown ponytail in a yellow headband pointed a press recorder towards him. "Katherine Mulligan Jr. here, asking what are the chances you will be marrying outside the family?"

"Boooooo!" Several reporters around her shouted out. "Get out of the story!"

"Good question, Miss Mulligan!" Lincoln nodded enthusiastically. A bright smile graced his face. "There is a hundred precent chance I will be marrying someone outside my family. There is no question about it!"

"So the initial First Lady Fever report really was a misunderstanding?" The young correspondent continued her inquiry to the pleasure of President Lincoln.

"Yes! Yes, that's exactly it!" His grin grew even more. "That's exactly it! They will be acting as my First Lady but I won't be marrying them."

"Then why-" Miss Mulligan was quickly cut off by a senior reporters sudden yell.

"Are you saying that even though you love Luna, you won't put a ring on it?!"

"Is it a stall till incest is legalized?!"

"Is it because Lori must get a divorce first?!"

The rabble continued.

The small exchange President Loud had with Katherine Mulligan Jr. was either ignored or overwhelmed by the hoard of boisterous sister supporters. Slowly but surely, he watched as her yellow headband faded into the crowd. The inane questions continued, reporter after reporter trying to one up the next. After so long, the white headed president simply walked off the stage. In the wings, the president could still hear the bickering of the press trying to declare their flag in the First Lady race. A red headed woman waited their with a glass water.

"Thank you, Penelope." He took the refreshing drink from his best friend's wife.

"No problem, Mr. President." Penelope McBride gave him a nod.

"We've been over this, Lincoln is fine."

"I know, I know." She gave the lightest push to his shoulder. "It's a real mad house out there."

"Tell me about it." Lincoln removed a handkerchief from his breast pocket. The cloth ran across his forehead removing the beads of sweat on it. "It's enough that my sisters misunderstood but now the entire nation is confused. Well... except that one reporter."

"Speaking of your sisters…" The redhead's voice trailed off unsure how to continue.

"What now?" The president gave an exasperated eye roll.

"They took over the War Room."

"The War Room?! For the love of- no, you know what?" Mrs. McBride was unable to reply before President Loud continued regardless. "I'll deal with it myself."

"Of course, - Lincoln."

"Good… ugh…" Lincoln looked back out to the press room. They were still going at it. "When Clyde gets out of his priority meeting, tell him where to find me."

"Of course."

"Good, thank you… Also," The white haired man continued. "See if you can find that reporter, Miss Mulligan. Tell her that she's invited to have an exclusive interview with me."

"Will do." The freckled woman nodded to her husband's best friend.

"Thanks, Penelope, you're the best." With that, Lincoln started walking to the nearest exit.

The rabble of the press conference still echoed in the background as Penelope watch the president attend to more pressing matters. Out of hearing distance, she raised a walkie talkie to her mouth.

"Second to 575, Second to 575. Do you copy?" Her finger released the button waiting for a return. A small crack alerted her to the received voice.

"This is 575," a dreary voice oozed out of the speaker. "I copy you, do we have eyes on the Eagle?"

"No," The Second responded. "The Eagle is heading to the battle ground. I will need to ready escape route D for extraction."

"Good work, Second." 575 praised her. "I will inform Groupie and Kindercare to move into position. We will wait for you to be ready. The code word will be: Independence."

* * *

"Alright!" A short haired blonde in a power business suit barged through the doors of the War Room. "Where's Lincoln?! He has some nerve making me drive from New York for this!"

In the brightly lit room, the already present Loud sisters looked to their oldest from several seats surrounding a circular table. A similar round light hovered above the table, suspended by cables reaching to the ceiling. Large blown up maps of the world were high above their heads showing the major capitals of the world, you know… just in case US Generals forgot where they were. The lights bathed the room into an almost monochrome depiction more suited to a movie from 1964.

This was the War Room.

"Lincoln is not here." Lisa stated still hooking up her computer to an interface. "This meeting is simply to decide who is most suited to become his spouse."

"He invites me here and doesn't even come to meet me?!" The offended eldest shouted to no avail.

"Ha!" Lola shouted out from her seat next to Lana. "You mean he invited me!"

"Whatever," Lori flung her hair backwards in a stylish fashion.

"Sigh, the delusion of this family is ridiculous. Our fate was decided long ago." The goth woman spoke from a seat with somehow less light than all the others.

The girls began their debate once again. Other than Lana and Lola, everyone had taken seats far away from their sisters. The genius, Lisa, was almost done with her set up and one of the many maps suddenly flickered evidently secretly being a monitor. The rampaging eldest had found a seats among many to still yell about her troubles.

"It was ridiculous," Her rant started. "My shareholders meeting was ruined when all the holders started saying they'd pull out if I didn't go to DC right then. It's not like I'd have trouble getting Lincoln to be my second husband."

"..."

The room went quiet.

"Lori..." Lynn placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't be gross."

"What?"

"Yeah, Lori." Lana rubbed the back of her neck. "Incest is one thing, but polygamy? Ew."

"You literally can't be serious."

"Are _you_ serious, dude?" The rocker of the family stood up from her chair and circled around to place a hand of reinsurance, just like her sporty sis.

"Oh my god," the business woman scoffed. "Wouldn't it solved everything if we all just married him?"

"Ew!" The whole room admitted.

"I think I'm going to throw up." Lynn covered her mouth.

"Lori, marriage should only be between a charming brother and his three years younger, goth, sister." The, three years younger than Lincoln, goth sister told the girl. "Multiple wives is out of the question."

"Are you kidding?! Incest is way worst than polygamy!"

"Doesn't mean we should do both." Lola slammed her gloved hand like a gavel.

"No, none of you are making sense!"

"Oh don't act like we're the weird ones here, Lori." Lynn returned to her seat and looked across at the blonde. "You're the one who wants to marry two people!"

"In the grand scheme of things," the woman tried to defend herself. A tone of annoyance filtering in. "What's wrong if we all just marry him?!"

"Gah!" Lana covered her ears. "Make her stop!"

"Side table your distasteful comments, Lori. Or I'll have Darcy escort you out of this meeting." Lisa spoke in an icey cool tone.

"You can't b-" Lori stopped seeing a small, yet intimidating, kindergarten teacher cracking knuckles in her general direction. "Um, nevermind."

"Good… now then." Out of her pocket, Lisa produced her handy laser pointer. "I have adjusted the algorithm with my library of documents concerning all our family interactions."

"You keep something like that?"

"As my first case studies, I reference them in several of my papers." The genius pushed her glasses up confidently. "But to maintain a fair playing field, I will allow us all to submit the criteria to determine which one of us he will make the First Lady. For instance," The scientist began typing on her computer for the words to appear on screen. "I submit, who did Lincoln share his first kiss with? As a valid parameter."

"Wasn't that Ronnie Anne?"

"No, he actually engaged in playful kisses with several of us at a very young age." Several girls awed at the remembrance of simpler times.

"Then, I say: whoever held him first when he was just a tike!" The rocker of the group shouted out.

"Wait, we weren't even born yet!" The past miss America shouted out. "That's unfair!"

"Yeah," the zoologist went to her twin's defense. "Plus we know you were the first to hold him!"

"Did I, luv?" A grin stretched across the brunette's face. "What can I say, it was a long time ago."

The pageant goer growled at the liar. Lola quickly turned to the genius and shouted out her first of many requirements. "I say whomever had the most tea parties with him is the best!"

"Then I say whoever Lincoln wrestled most with, is First Lady material!" The ex olympic wrestler yelled out.

"The one who received the most help with her poems." A monotone voice announced from the darkness.

"Anything NOT… so specific?" The woman in the lab coat reprimanded all her sisters.

Moments passed in silence as they all pondered. Several girls tapped their lips with a single finger. Gears turned as they opened their mouths to offer suggestions but decided against their proposal. This moment of confusion allowed the two extras to convene to the side. Across the room, far from the table, Sam Sharp and Darcy Helmandollar whispered to another.

"Second is clearing the way and the Eagle is on his way." The blonde rocker told her ally.

"Righteo, when do we go?" The tan woman asked in a cheery tone not befitting their goal.

"I'm sure an opportunity will present itself." Sam told Darcy. "Remember the codeword: Independence."

"Independence~" Kindercare repeated whisperly.

* * *

"Yes, Mom, I said my name when I asked my question." Katherine Mulligan Jr. cornered herself far away from any of the hustle of the other reporters. Her hand covered her mouth as if she wanted to hide her conversation from all the people passing. "Yes, he answered. In fact, my questions were the only ones he answered." The young reporter waited as her mother's voice buzzing through the speaker. "I know you want more Loudcest stuff, I just wanted to get the other side of the story!"

Her mother apparently did not like her response.

"I know you're a Lori supporter… Yes, I know she always answers properly at interviews. Come on, Mom, we both know there is a large audience not rooting for the sisters. They deserve some coverage." The junior waited for the senior to get her opinion in. "Yes, I still believe the rumors that this was all a misunderstanding. If anything, President Loud's statements heavily indicate that those rumors are true! If I could just get an interview…"

"Miss Mulligan?" A voice called for her. The reporter glanced over her shoulder to see a curly haired redhead trying to get her attention.

"Hold on, Mom." The reporter placed a hand over her phone. "May I help you?"

"Yes in fact." The redhead nodded. "My name is Penelope McBride, and I was hoping to set up an interview between you and the President."

Katherine suddenly put things together.

Raising her phone back to her ear. "Mom… I got to go." Regardless of her mother's protests, the young reporter hung up the phone. "You're Penelope McBride, Vice President McBride's wife!"

"Umm, yes?"

Katherine Mulligan Jr. whipped out her recorder. "Could I get a statement of your thoughts on the Loudcest situation?"

"Oh, well…" Penelope thought for a moment and decided to play it safe. "I don't really have an opinion... May I ask what your opinion is?" The reporter was surprised to be on the receiving end of a question.

"Well… Being a reporter, I want to look at the entire picture. I can see the appeal of President Loud marrying one of his sisters as he has a wonderful bond with each of them. On the other hand, I still find the idea of such a marriage questionable no matter what steps are taken." The wife of the vice president found herself agreeing with the woman in yellow. "Regardless of it all… I'm unsure whether or not my opinion matters."

This gave the redhead some pause. "What do you mean?"

"I guess… I mean… okay, okay." Miss Mulligan started and stopped. "What I mean is, it's not up to me. I can be hopeful and enjoy the thought that the President may end up with Leni or Lana. But when you look at it, it's really only up to the President. I can scream or shout for and against it, but in the end, if President Loud doesn't want too… I'd just want him to be happy." Scratching her neck, Katherine looked up at Mrs. McBride. The woman seemed to be looking at her but she seemed not to see her.

"..."

"Umm, Ma'am?" The reporter asked.

"..."

"Mrs. McBride?"

"Huh," the second's lady snapped out of her daze. "T-that's… that's a good point. Umm, please head to this address in an hour. The president will be making a statement at that time." Penelope handed the brunette news reporter a slip of paper.

Katherine Mulligan Jr. opened the piece of paper. Inside was an address, to be exact, it was: 511 10th St.

"Isn't this Fo-"

"Penelope!" A well suited man with slick glasses rushed towards the two women. Reporters were forced back by several secret service members. It was Penelope's husband, and Vice President of the United States, Clyde McBride. "Thank God I found you." The man said exacerbated. "Have you seen Lincoln? I need to talk to him immediately!"

"He went to the War Room." Clyde's wife told him. "His sisters are having a private meeting."

"Dear God, I gotta hurry." Turning around he shouted to the crowd trying to get his statement. He began shouting for them to make way and ordered the secret service members to begin escorting them out of the building. Penelope quickly turned to Katherine Jr.

"Meet us there in an hour."

"But what does-"

"There will be someone waiting there for you." The redhead began walking away. "I'll see you then."

"Wait, but I…" The woman suddenly found a secret service woman showing her out. "I guess I'll see you there then."

* * *

Lisa did the final calculations on her laptop. Several Loud women sat impatiently waiting to be proven Lincoln's top First Lady. "Including Lincoln's preferences… our own criteria… and the requirements to be the First Lady… I can now reveal… the best candidate to be Lincoln's wife is…"

Everyone moved to the edge of their seats.

...

"Mom."

A large picture of Rita Loud appeared on the largest monitor.

"Eeeeeewwww."

"Don't be gross, Lisa!" Lola shouted, shaking a gloves hand at her genius sister.

"I apologize for the audacity." The smart woman wiped her lens with her cotton turtleneck. "I should have considered that our maternal parent was in my files."

"But seriously?" The sporty sister groaned out. "How did Mom win?"

"There were several factors," Lisa quickly looked at her data. "Much of which was due to his preferences for blondes, caring actions typical of all mothers, and her mature attitude as a boon for acting as the First Lady."

"Literally stop!" Lori rubbed her temples. "I need to get that image out of my head."

"You're one to talk, polygamy lover."

"For the last time, it would solve everything!"

"I suggest we move past this." Lucy spoke calmly from her seat. "As you can see, I am the best choice for First Lady."

"Excuse me?!" Lynn Jr. shouted out.

"It is obvious," the dark mistress stated. "I inherited both our mother's prowess in writing and her shapely hips." Her pale hand traced down her curves.

"Yeah, but we have her blue eyes and blonde hair!" Lola dragged Lana into a side hug.

"Hey, you better not be counting me out, dude!" The rocker of the group placed her boot on the table. "Linc got a thing for freckles!"

"Excuse me, excuse me." Luan slowly pushed a cart full of cream pies behind her past roommate.

"Oh, sorry Luan." Luna made sure to give her sister enough room. The jokester nodded before going back up for the other carts.

"Yeah!" Lynn shouted out. "And I got them all over so he's going to love me even more."

Another cart full of pies was placed behind her and Lucy.

"I literally look the most like Mom." Lori stated as Luan positioned another cart to her right. "We all know who's going to win here. Just accept it and join the harem!"

"The only one I'd consider doing that with is Lana!"

"Wait, what?!" The zoologist looked at her closest sister.

"Oh, hehe," Lola realized her sister's apprehension."You know because of the twin thing."

"..."

"I still believe you are still underestimating how Lincoln and I are level mentally." The genius closed her laptop realizing the conversation was devolving. "None of you can hope to compare."

"Are you calling us stupid?!" The jock opposite did not let the hidden insult fly.

"Haha, she's got you there." Luna hopped back in her chair and picked up her guitar. "Linc hates sports. He needs some girl who knows how to play the Hanky Panky." Her guitar roared out the starting notes before she fist bumped her pun-tasic sister placing the final cart.

"And you think you should be the one to do so?" A tone of anger finally seeped into the darkest Loud's monotone. Lucy's palm slowly slid under a pie tin that spontaneously appeared beside her.

"And if I am, luv?"

A pie slammed straight in Luna's face.

Luan moved to her rocker sister's side, a pie offered forward. "War… what is it good for?"

Luna rocket a pie at Lucy.

Cream pies began flying about the room as the fighting grew. Darcy and Sam tipped over a side table for protection from the delicious armaments. Lynn managed to pelt Lisa with a banana cream while Lori performed blonde on blonde crime against Lola. Lana, more accustomed to throwing mud pies, was the only match for Luan the secret starter of this battle field. Civilians cowered, soldiers were bombarded be their fellow country women!

President Loud stormed into the room.

"Ladies, you can't fight in here!" Several pies flew across the room. "This is the War Room!" Luan threw a pie straight at Lincoln's face.

"INDEPENDENCE!" Sam and Darcy shouted together.

Amidst the chaos, the two conspirators vaulted the protective table. Their shoes slide across the sugary ground as they rushed down the Commander-in-Chief. Lincoln was lifted up, pie still in his face, and taken to the nearest exit. Luan was the only one to notice as the Anti-Loudcest faction got away with the President.

"Girls!" The comedian tried to shout only to be pelted by seven different pies. "GIRLS!"

"Zip it, Luan! Don't you se-" Lynn suddenly realized that her sister was there. "Oh hey, Luan, when'd you get here?"

A cease fire occured as the other Loud sisters also came to this realization.

"Doesn't matter!" The comedian told them. "Someone just kidnapped Lincoln!"

"What!?" Multiple women yelled in horror.

"Wait," Lana used her tracking skills. "She's right, I can smell him on the breeze."

"And where did you get his scent?" Lola scoffed. "Wait, no. I think I know when." Subtle memory of getting kicked out of his room that morning sprung to mind.

"Can you track him?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah, probably." The tracker rubbed her chin some. "Well, maybe. There's a lot of banana in this room."

"Seriously, where did all this pie come from?!" Lori shouted out in annoyance.

"W-who knows…" Luan took two steps back.

"Lincoln!" A voice could be heard from down the hall. "Linco- Whoa!" The vice president came in and immediately slide on the cream twenty feet into a wall. A crash cymbal hit together for comedy punch from you know who. A whine of pain soon followed.

"Vice President McBride," Lisa was the first to approach but offered no assistance. "We seem to have an incident on our hands."

"Ouch," The upside down statesman started with. "You're telling me." The man contorted his body until he was face up. "Where's Lincoln? We need to leave, NOW!"

"Nope," Lola folded her pie covered arms. "He's not leaving till he proposes to me."

"Little late for that, dude."

Lana stated it simply. "Lincoln's been kidnapped."

"What?!" The VP jumped to his feet. "Where's the Secret Service?"

"We don't know."

"Dang it!" Clyde frantically pulled at his hair. "We need to find him and get him down to Supreme Court immediately!"

"Why?" The sisters watched as the man pulled out an official looking piece of paper. He read it aloud.

"President Lincoln Loud is hereby summoned to be tried for inciting chaos through the United States of America and alleged incest." Blood ran cold throughout the room. "If the summoned does not report for trial at 3:30 PM. He thereby recedes the seat of Commander-in-Chief and will be…"

Clyde took a gulp.

"Impeached."

 ** _To be concluded._**

* * *

 **A small note - if you couldn't tell, or never seen a black and white movie, this entire chapter, nay story, was inspired by the War Room scene of " _Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb_ ". It's a great movie and I made several references throughout this chapter.**

 **Firstly, the setting is a description of the War Room in the movie. Secondly, the original lines are: _"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"_. And thirdly, the pie fight is actually a parody of the movie. In the final scene of the movie, as mutually assured destruction occurs, a pie fight was meant to take place. Sadly, the final cut did not contain this scene as the actors kept on laughing midway through each attempt at the ridiculous of it all. A small bit of trivia you'd probably not suspect from this type of story.**

 **Look forward to the conclusion of this story next time. I bet some are surprised that this story was ending so 'quickly'. I never planned it to be that long as the idea is ridiculous so the shelf life was short. I saw it going 10 chapters at max but I'm glad it worked into 6. Anyways that's it for now. Have a wonderful day.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Whimfu1 here. This is the final chapter. Not much to say. There were a few jokes that never quite made it in, maybe in another story.**

 **Looking forward: I still have Changing Hearts (with new cover art) and Loud Bot to finish. I always slowly work on those two as one is just a chill write and the latter is the remnants from a time before Age Gap. I got a couple of one shots I'm working on and the sequel to Zap on the back burner. Realize that I've written a lot in the past 9 months since I joined the site. I've published 10 stories and uploaded 68 chapters. Not too bad, considering.**

 **Just pushing forward.**

 **Anyways, enjoy.**

* * *

Lana's nose traced across the ground as she followed the lingering scent of Lincoln. Lola walked a yard behind with an expression of annoyance.

"Come on, Lana!" The younger twin shouted out. "You do this for a living don't you?!"

"Yeah," the sniffer dog lifted her head and looked back. "But maids don't come once a day to vacuum the forest floor."

"Ugh, fine… I can't believe Luna's girlfriend stole Lincoln!" The miss America shouted out.

The zoologist was already back to tracking but responded accordingly. "Maybe she didn't want Lincoln to steal Luna."

"Then she should have helped me!"

"Keep it down, why dontcha!" The older twin scolded from the ground. "Why are you even here? You could go back to your room and wash off the pie."

"And let you be the first to greet Lincoln?!" Lola folded her arms and scowled. "No thank you."

"Ugh, fine."

Still covered in banana, the twins proceeded forward. Like a bloodhound, Lana slowly but surely crawled along the floors of the white house to one specific room.

"Great," Lola rolled her eyes. "You found Lincoln's room."

Standing up, Lana simply pushed against the door. "It's unlocked." Seeing the door swing freely, the ex pageant queen unfurled her arms in worry. They looked at each other and nodded.

As quietly as possible, the twins entered the presidential suite. One thing was clear, someone had been there. Several drawers were open and clothes were scattered to the ground. The bed was pulled of its sheets, making a makeshift rope ladder out the window. And lastly, the shower was recently used.

"Dang it," the safari woman threw her hat to the ground. "I lost the scent."

"What?!"

"They bathed him and his scent is too strong here." Lana picked up a white dress shirt. "Like this," she sniffed the shirt. "It smells just like Lincoln… like a lot." She sniffed again. "Like a real lot…" with a goofy smile the blonde woman began rubbing the shirt against her cheek.

On the other side of the room, Lola looked out of the window. "Crap, let me call Clyde."

"Uh huh, sure." Lana started taking off her own clothes and putting on her brother's shirt. It loosely hung off her.

Going ahead, the more focused twin pulled out her cell phone. The dial tone rang for just a moment as the Vice President picked up immediately.

"Yeah we found where the trail leads." Lola looked at the rope ladder some more. "The presidential suite… yeah but he's not here. They went out the window… Well I don't know… Lana lost the trail."

A small blonde girl with a suitcase came into the room and stood next to the skimpily dressed Lana.

"Look, we lost the trail! There's nothing we can do about it!" Lola shouted into the speaker unaware of Lana handing another shirt to her little sister. "Can't you track their cell phones or something… what about cameras… what do you want?! I'm not an expert tracker. How was it so easy to kidnap the president of the United States anyways?!"

"Linky's been kidnapped?!"

Lola suddenly spun around and saw two women wearing their brother's dress shirts in the middle of the bedroom. The newest arrival was small and had her blonde hair in a short ponytail. Next to her was a purple suitcase with several stickers from Japanese cities.

"Lily!" The pink pageant queen eyes widened in shock. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there!"

"What happened?!"

"Well, erm, so we were having a pie fight in the War Room."

"And?!"

"Well something happened, then Luna and Lisa's girlfriends stole Lincoln."

"Why?!"

"We don't know!"

"Why didn't you call earlier?!" Without waiting for a response, Lily took her suitcase and went to the bathroom. The sound of undoing a luggage zipper preceded one of the quickest changes the twins had ever scene. As quickly as she entered, the young woman came back wearing a dark purple ninja outfit. She spoke while tightening a ju-ichiban headband. "They left out the window right?" The youngest Loud daughter wiped a finger along the windowsill. She inspected the dust on her prints.

Lola and Lana gave each other a weirded out glance.

"Well?"

"...umm," Lana managed out. "Yeahhhhh…"

"I'm going to go find him." The purple shinobi stuck one leg out the window. "How long has it been?"

"Less than thirty minutes or so."

"Assuming they came here first, that leaves about a two mile radius to search." Taking a hold with the impromptu rope, Lily began lowering itself until only her head poked above the precipice. "I'll call you when I have him."

"Wait!" Lola managed to get out before Lily ducked down for good. "You need to get him to Supreme Court by 3:30 or else they're going to impeach him."

"Impeach him?!" The younger's eyes went wide. "I'm going to have to work fast then."

And with that, the ninja was out of sight. Hugging one another, the two knew it was all in their baby sister's hands.

* * *

"Ugh," President Loud groaned as he awoke from some sort of unconsciousness. "My head…"

"Dang it, Kindercare." A voice called out from the darkness of the room. "I told you not to hit him so hard."

"He was going to see me naked!" Another voice called out.

"Doesn't mean you have to bash his brains in with the shower head!"

"I said I was sorry!"

"Silence!" A voice of authority called order to the group. "He awakes."

As his vision returned, Lincoln saw a shapely form in a black dress enter the light. From a single hanging lamp, a dark haired woman came into view.

"Greetings, Mr. President." The monotone woman addressed him.

"H-haiku?"

"You remember me."

"Well, yes?"

"What's the point of codenames if we were going to jump out from the get go?" Sam enter the light shortly followed by Darcy. Each flanked their dark leader.

"Sam? Darcy?" Lincoln tried to stand but found himself tied to the chair he sat in. In panic, he looked down and saw the large amounts of rope wrapped around him. "What in the blazes is happening?!"

"What is happening," the leader of the group started. "Is you have made poor choices." Haiku's hips swayed as she moved to sit on the President's lap. Her hand caressed his cheek. "But that's okay, you're simply misguided." Her voice trailed in a seductive tone.

"Well, erm," Lincoln coughed twice. "Perhaps we could talk about this… in detail."

"Oh, we will." The goth woman looked over to her co-conspirators. With a snap of her slender fingers they nodded and backed into the darkness.

"Any chance that you could untie me?"

"Not until we can insure your cooperation." The rocker and kindergarten teacher returned with a large screen. "Now then…"

The screen came to life.

A picture of a red headed woman appeared on the screen. She was winking at the camera in an obvious selfie fashion. In the background seemed to be a Mayan pyramid.

"I'm sure you remember Becky." Haiku's hand held out in a presentory fashion.

"What?" The president raised an eyebrow.

Darcy flipped to the first page of some notes on a clipboard. "Her hobbies include: traveling, partying, and cosplay. She currently rates third on the Anti-Loudcest forum."

Sam hit the right arrow on a computer to cause the next slide to appear. The image of a punk rocker with a neon pink stripe in her quiff appeared. She raised two horns in the air and was clearly rocking out at a party.

"My personal favorite: Tabby." The rocker began. "Currently acting as keyboardist in the band. She's your age and in town at the moment."

"Wait, wha-"

"Next please," the leader of the group called out.

A tall slender woman appeared on screen. She had a pale disposition and long, straight cut, black hair. She appeared goth but wore brighter colors. The background seemed to be at some bar.

"Maggie owns a poetry bar just outside of Royal Woods. Lucy and I regularly visit it when in town." The fellow literary lover turned back to the white headed man. "I believe you'd find her quite tantalizing."

"Next is-"

"Hold up!" Lincoln shouted.

"I told you he'd pick Maggie." A small grin came to Haiku's lips.

"Dang it," Darcy lamented. "But Becky's so cool!"

"What's happening?!" the president jostled in his bound chair. "Why are you showing me a bunch of women I kind of know?"

"..."

"We're picking you a wife." The trio said together.

"I beg your pardon?!"

"Mr. President, you can't marry one of your sisters." The dark leader told the president. "The impact would be monstrous."

"Seriously," Sam rolled her eyes. "What got into you? Trying to marry Luna like that."

"You and Lisa totally aren't a match!" Darcy waved off the notion.

"I'm sorry, you're confusing me." Lincoln had to admit.

Haiku stood up and approached the screen. "Let's face it, President Loud. You've made a great error in announcing your true feelings for your sisters."

"For heaven's sake!" His white hair flew back as he flicked his neck. The politician shouted to the ceiling. "The First Lady does not need to be married to the President!"

"Don't be ridiculous." The school teacher told him. "How are they supposed to be the First Lady then?"

"Yeah." The other two said in unison.

"As such, the Anti-Loudcest initiative was formed to show you the better path." Haiku explained, her arms going out like the messiah.

"Anti-Loudcest?" The president questioned, the combination of words forming a coherent thought. "Look, I'm not in love with my sisters."

"Well they're head over heels for you!" Sam crossed her arms.

"No they aren't!" Lincoln yelled out. "They're just excited about possibly becoming the First Lady."

"You're kidding right?" Darcy raised an eyebrow at the politician. "You know Lisa dedicates every single research paper she does to you, right?"

"Huh?"

"And Luna's first single, Snow Top Dreamboat, is about you and her snuggling up to watch tv during a blizzard." Sam explained more.

"What? No it isn't."

" _My white angel to my dark wings._ " Haiku's voice was lyrical as it spoke. " _Unchained by those binds, I would. Ignore them, I could. Be together, we should_." She recited with eyes closed but opened them to look Lincoln in the eyes. "That's a verse from: Taboo. One of Lucy's great works, translated into 73 different languages."

The man went speechless.

Connections began to form from throughout the years. Lola's answer of who the perfect man was when she won Miss America. Luan's comedy skit where he was made to play the role of an oblivious boyfriend. Lynn always saving a seat for him at her games.

Was he so blind?

Did he really just reciprocate their feelings without even noticing? Was his offer of the First Lady position their first chance to actually act out and hope their feelings would be returned? Was he such a bastard that when they got there, he told them it was all one big joke?!

"I'm such an idiot."

"True," The goth woman nodded. "Either way, if you were to marry Lucy her main source of heart wrench would be resolved and her work would suffer. Her poems are too important for that to happen."

"And Luna's top hits are all about you!" Sam added in. "You're her muse, whispering inspiration from afar. Unattainable but so close."

"I just like to ship people." Darcy shrugged.

"Regardless, you will choose a First Lady." The woman in black moved to the monitor controls. "If you don't comply, we shall expose you."

Several pictures of Sam and Darcy posing semi nude in the Presidential Suite were formed into a collage. Throughout them was a questionably conscious Lincoln with sunglasses. One on the bed, one in the shower, all very inditing.

"If you do not choose someone to be your First Lady, we will expose you as a polygamist."

"Noooooo!" Lincoln cried out to no avail. "If you do that, my reputation will be in ruins! I'll be forced to step down! All my work towards a brighter future, destroyed!"

"I'm glad we're on the same page." The image flicked to a bombshell in a yellow dress. "How about we move to a subcategory we have dubbed: the QTs."

* * *

"Would you just listen to us!" Lori slammed a fist on a wooden table placed ready for the President's impeachment trial. "President Loud won't be able to make it here in fifty minutes! He's in a very important meeting!"

"More important than this?!" The Chief Justice announced from the head position of the Supreme Court. "We will be deciding the fate of this country for years to come."

"Exactly why you should take five, dudes!" Luna tried to argue. "Linc's coming! Just give him a bit!"

"Your concern is noted but we have a tight schedule. We will wait no later than 3:30." And with that the Chief justice left the courtroom.

"Dang it," Lori turned back to her sisters. "Is it just me or did she literally ignore us?!"

"Yeah," the athlete of the family told the rest. "She just blew us off!"

"Why don't we just admit Lincoln was kidnapped?" The monotone voice of Lucy asked.

"Well that's easy for you to say." The rocker of the group said. "You're friend wasn't the one that kidnapped the most powerful man in the world."

"I guess you're right." The goth agreed. "But I say we use it as a last resort."

"Any word from Lily?" Luan asked the last two to see her.

"No, nothing yet." Lana shook her head while Lola checked her phone the umpteenth time.

"Keep us posted." Lisa ordered from a far. Her discerning eyes looked at the podium of the court. Something was wrong. She had enough political sway to encourage a delay, yet the justice did not budge.

"What's up, dude?"

"I do not know." The genius rubbed her chin. "We're missing something. I just don't know what."

"I'll say," Lola refreshed her phone. "All we're missing is Leni now."

"Hmm, I gues-" Lisa stopped mid response. "Repeat that sentence."

"She's the only one not in DC now. Ugh," Lola shook her head. "This would have been so much simpler if you all didn't come."

"I believe I've discovered our issue." With a smug grin, the scientist made a call.

* * *

Lily looked through the darkened skylight of Ford's Theater. Inside she could make ouy a reporter in yellow talking to a woman with red hair. The redhead looked familiar but she couldn't place where. All she knew was that this was where Lincoln was. Quiet as the night, the ninja sunk into the shadows.

"All ready now." Katherine Mulligan Jr. Told the wife of the VP.

"Good," Penelope McBride nodded. "I'm sorry for the cramped quarters, we thought the balcony would be a fitting place for the interview."

"I'm a little confused why." The young reporter ran her hand through her hair. "The last Lincoln who came here, got shot."

"Oh that's a thing of the past." Character assassinations are the new thing now. "We believe this will be a new beginning."

"Well," the news agent looked at her small setup. "I can go live in five. Is the president ready?"

"Wait here, dear. I'll check." The woman gave a small bow before walking away. Taking a set of employee stairs, she eventually made it behind stage where the finalists for First Lady were arguing.

"Look you'd look better together!" Darcy pointed at Sam.

"For the last time," the rocker with a neon stripe sounded plenty pissed off. "I'm a Lesbian!"

"It's for the greater good, Samantha." Haiku took Darcy's side.

"Then why don't you do it?!" She glared at the goth.

"Well I-"

"Actually that's not that bad." The kindergarten teacher tapped her chin thinking. "You're the same age and you had a date to the dance."

"That's not enough to be in lov-"

A hand firmly placed on each of the dark woman's shoulder. Sam just smiled but Darcy proudly announced.

"I clear this ship to sail!"

"Ugh! Fine. I'll do it."

As Groupie and Kindercare cheered for 575, Second moved towards the eagle.

"Lincoln, what happened?" Penelope asked the still tied president.

"I said I didn't want to marry someone I barely knew from a bunch of photos. I wanted to at least know the person so I said: why don't one of you do it?" He looked over at the rest of the Anti-Loudcest group. "I didn't want to be pushed into a relationship ya know? I mean I thought my sisters were pushy but you guys are really pushy." The white haired man sighed. "Kind of a shock to see you here too."

"Maybe it won't be so bad… Haiku's… umm…" the wife of his best friend looked at her leader. "Dreary."

"I think I'd prefer Lucy on that front."

"I thought you weren't really considering marrying your sister."

"I'm not, well I think I'm not." Lincoln sounded a bit sad. "I just want to pay them back some for being so dense all these years."

"..." Penelope went quiet. "...maybe I could conv-"

"Okay, it's decided." Haiku and the others walked up. "You'll marry me and explain that we had secret correspondences for several years prior, and after a tense breakup, the whole incest thing was a way to lure me out to confess your feelings once again."

"Got it," Lincoln went to stand up but realized he was still attached to his chair. "Erm hmm!"

"Right," Haiku snapped her fingers causing Sam and Darcy go for the rope. After several struggles, the younger finally spoke.

"It's too tight," she stood up. "We need a knife."

"I'll get one." Penelope told them before walking towards a storage closet.

The closet was large and held many props dating back to the mid 1860s. Worn suits and puffy dress lined the racks while top hats hung on hat stands. In the far corner was a tool shelf, in which Mrs. McBride hoped to find a knife.

She did.

"What have you done to Lincoln?" A sweet, yet menacing voice asked. The cold chill of Japanese steel pressed against her throat.

"Whoa, whoa. It's fine. The president is safe."

"I don't care about that!" Lily harshly whispered out. "Well, I do. But why is he marrying a discount Lucy?!"

"I don't know which sister you are but," she gulped. "I want to help."

"What?"

"I want to help Lincoln escape." The redhead finally admitted.

"...why?"

"Because I've come to realize that I shouldn't force my ideals on him and he should choose who he wants to be with!"

"..."

"..."

"Oh, cool." Lily removed the knife.

"You believe me?!" Penelope managed to turn around and see the purple ninja.

"You seem too cowardly to lie." The youngest Loud sheathed her weapon. "What's the plan?"

"Oh, umm…" the woman's mind slowly turned. "How well do you remember American history?"

* * *

Katherine Mulligan Jr. had several beads of sweat going down her forehead. Sure she didn't approve of Loudcest but she had not expected the interview to be the announcement of the president choosing another woman. She could hear her mother, and possibly the nation, screaming at her at this very moment.

"And it was ironically Lucy, who set up the whole thing." Haiku said in an unchanging tone of voice. "Funny, isn't it honey?"

"Hehe, sure is dear." Lincoln gave his best politician smile.

Suddenly, the lights went out.

"Huh, what's happening?!"

"Who are you?!"

"Mori no Yuri."

"Gahh!"

"Epp!"

The lights came back on.

Just behind Lincoln and Haiku stood Lily. In each clenched fist was Sam and Darcy, both knocked out.

"I've come for my danna." The two conspirators were dropped to the floor. An icy glare was given to the leader.

"I believe you're mistaken." Haiku tried to stay calm. "This is my husband, not yours."

"Lily!" The reporter greeted, a story savior if any! "Did you just arrive back from Japan?!"

"I did." The girl stepped forward unperturbed by the goth's aura. "And I'm here to set the record straight!"

Lily ripped Lincoln from his seat and held him like a princess.

"I love Lincoln!"

With the leg strength of a rabbit, the blonde girl leapt off the balcony towards the main stage. Aiming for the false floor pad to save her left foot, she landed safely and booked it to an exit. The goth was about to give chase when a hand fell on her shoulder.

"It's over, Haiku." Penelope told her former leader.

"I knew I shouldn't have let a Clincoln McLoud lover into the group."

"A wife can dream."

* * *

"Thank you, Lily!" Lincoln pulled down her ninja mask and peppered her cheek with kisses. "I love you, I love you, I love you!"

"Save it for the honeymoon," The savior thought about the possibility and became flush. "Please."

"No problem! Now back to the White House!" Lily skidded to a halt in front of a black car, presumably Penelope's.

"No can do!" They both rapidly buckled their seat-belts. "The Supreme Court is trying to impeach you!"

"They what?!"

"I know! We've got…" she looked at the clock. It read 3:17 pm. "ONLY THIRTEEN MINUTES TO GET THERE!"

"What?!"

"Let's go!" The tires stretched on the asphalt as Lily Tokyo drifted away from the theater. "What's the quickest route?!"

"Take a right…" Lincoln waited with baited breath. "Now!"

Cars honked as Lily expertly maneuvered through an intersection. Shouting directions, Lincoln guided her where she needed to go. Through red lights and onto sidewalks, the president insured her that he'd pardon any violations. Time ticked fast, five minutes away with only four to spare.

Mounting the pavement, Lily drove the car right onto the steps of the court house. Dozens of frightened tourists dove out of the way.

Lincoln burst out of the car and ran inside. Adjusting his tie and wiping off his suit, he kicked open the courtroom door.

"I'm here!"

"Two minutes late."

Lisa walked into view.

"An impeachable offense, if they were taking their threat seriously." The genius adjusted her spectacles.

Fear subsiding, Lincoln glanced into the room. Seven off his sisters surrounded his Supreme Justices as they coward on the floor. Many of the highest court in the land shook in terror or displayed their guilt on their sleeves.

"What happened here?"

"Perhaps, this will explain." Lisa simply shouted out. "Court is now in session!"

From a side door, Leni Loud burst through in a dramatic fashion.

"Wait!" The ditzy woman said her lines. "Please don't peach my brother. I know incest is bad but I love him! I want him totes to be my wife!"

The woman's blue eyes glazed over.

"Wait, that's not right." Leni scolded herself. "Dang it, I practiced this like ten times on the flight over."

"Erm hmm," Lisa brought attention back to herself. "If you recall, Leni redesigned the Justices' robes nearly three months ago."

"And they are super breathable!" The chief justice shouted out.

"And durable!"

"And cute!" Two more shouted out.

"She deserves to be First Lady!"

"As you can see, they were in the Leni camp." The scientist summed it up. "They got into contact with Leni immediately after the initial First Lady Fever interview. They prepared this court to occur just in time for it to appear Leni had rushed from the airport to protect her brother in his greatest time of need. A good plan if it wasn't for Sam and Darcy's… important meeting with you."

"Yeah, we'll talk about that."

"I'd like to advocate that Darcy was probably misguided, though I will understand if she must be charged with treason."

"It's fine," President Loud choose to give his smartest sister a kiss on the forehead. An action that caused her to stammer and the rest of the room to feel jealous. "Girls, let's go home."

"You here that guys!" Leni cooed. The fashionista quickly moved to wrap an arm around Lincoln's. "Lincy's taking me home with him." She winked. "Don't wait up!"

Lincoln gave a slight chuckle, then he repeated. "Let's go home."

* * *

President Lincoln Loud sat in the Oval Office. Several cameras pointed at him and flashed as they took their pictures. His second, Vice President Clyde McBride, handed him the bill to be signed into law. Taking it in hand, he quickly signed it and presented the paper to the small crowd. Loud cheering erupted from behind the camera.

In the Presidential suite , the Loud Ten watched on as Katherine Mulligan Jr. commentated on what was happening.

"And there you have it folks, President Loud has officially signed into law the new positions of Ladies in Waiting." A caption ran below the reporter on how the new rotation system will work. "Please check our website to see when your favorite Loud sister will become the First Lady. This has been Katherine Mulligan Jr. good night."

Lori turned off the television. "This is literally polygamy."

"No it isn't," Lola scoffed. "Like Lincoln said: the President does not need to be married to the First Lady."

"Since when did start you believing that?"

"Why are you so strung up on all of us marrying him?!" Lana asked.

"None of us married him!" Lynn shouted out. "Get over it."

"I was right though!"

"You mean yet." Lucy simply took a sip of her tea. "I'll consider this a trial run."

"It's a work around, I will agree." Lisa put out her hand for her friend Darcy to hand over a drink. "A lot less bruised egos and such."

"Do you think he'd still be willing to see Becky?" Darcy asked in a cheerful tone. "They'd make such a cute couple."

"Darcy, let it go." Luna called out but kept looking at a whistling Sam.

"Don't," Lola sauntered over to the kindergarten teacher. She placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Wouldn't you agree, as an expert matchmaker, that I go very well with him?"

"I don't like incest…"

"Just think about it dear."

"Fine, fine… Oooo~" The tan woman's eyes sparkled. "Actually I think Lana goes best with him!"

"Lana!?"

"Ooo~ pairing siblings is more fun than I thought!" Darcy began clapping her hand happily. "Lucy also works."

"But what about me?" Lola whined at the sailor.

"Hmm, nah."

"I swear to go-" Two knocks alerted everyone that the President had returned. After unlocking the door to his suite, Lincoln entered.

"Hey, girls." He began undoing his necktie. "How is everyone?"

"Lincoln~" Lola whined and fell into his chest. Wrapping an arm around the ex miss America, he rubbed her back. "Darcy doesn't think we'd make a good couple."

"Well, I'm not sure about that." He kissed her forehead. "I think you'll make a lovely First Lady."

"Does that mean I go first?"

"..."

"Well, I-"

"I think it would be best if I went first." Lisa offered. "To ease the nation, it'd be best if someone with political experience did it."

"Hey, I'm the oldest!" Lori shouted.

"I got the first kiss." Lucy stated, gaining a small nod from her friend sitting beside her.

"And I saved him from well," Lily pointed at three woman in particular. "Them!"

"Girls, girls." Lynn tried to calm the group. "Let's just race to the Lincoln memorial, winner goes first."

"Hey, I see what you're doing!" Luan ready herself. "And it politics me off! Hahahaha!"

"But he took me home!" Leni shouted.

As the sisters began to bicker, and pies were drawn. President Lincoln Loud shook his head.

"This is going to be a long term."

 _THE END_

* * *

 **Final notes:**

 **I'm sure most people saw that coming. This story is about the ridiculousness of shipping. Not to do actual shipping. For Loudcest, against Loudcest. It's all the same to me. I really like [Lincoln x Lola] but I wrote Age Gap, one of the larger 'non Loudcest' stories on the site. It's all the same, I just try to plan a story out and find the characters that suit it. If you have a solid idea, I'll read it. If you have my favorite ship but a poor idea, I won't read it. A ship doesn't replace a story. Aim for a story progression and character development. Don't just show off your favorite ship. Have situations and show how your couple thrives. You'll find that much more enjoyable than writing an average date that could fit any couple.**

 **Now to be fair, do not follow this story as a guide to writing. It has trouble from the whole girl of the week idea. Each sister has her moment and not a lot of substance. The most prominent characters are the twins obviously. Their bickering is what really pushes situations. Lucy is also a frequent motivator but less so. I'd say all the older sisters take a back seat especially Leni. I focus on characters in these types of situations and dang is constantly jumping from character to character annoying. This last one was the worst off for that. If you are writing a harem fic I suggest not going so large unless you are willing to just do girl of the week. It's something I avoid but it isn't bad. I just find it limiting. Oh I haven't done this character yet but I really want to go back to this character. It really constricts the flow.**

 **By the way, the President thing was mainly to be ridiculous and to have this final reasonable cop out. Seriously, I'm not joking when I say the First Lady does not need to be the wife of the President. It's just a fact I used to my advantage.**

 **Also, I finished this pretty late at night. Don't publish at night. Just wait to do it at better times. It will help your story get visibility. Go to sleep and publish in the morning if you need to. I tend to wait till 3 PM for new stories. If your struggling to get views it might help to know when the most site traffic happens in your area. Summaries and proper labeling matter too but time is usually how I see authors lose their drive due to lack of attention.**


End file.
